HAPPY NEW YEAR!

‎"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."  -Oprah Winfrey

Today I read online that some cultures
wear red undies for good luck on NYE.
So bust out your red panties ladies!

www.victoriassecret.com

Happy New Year to everyone!  One last night to make it right...and if you don't get it right, well, there's always next year!  So go out and have fun.  Kiss a fool.  Have a one night stand (I actually read somewhere girls are more likely to have a one night stand on NYE than any other night of the year - great news for you man whores out there).  Whatever you choose.  I'll be spending my night quietly with some of my favorite people and their babies.  I couldn't be more excited to ring in 2011 in great company without a kiss...unless it's from a kiss on the cheek from my favorite 8-year-old, Otto.

In accordance with the New Year's tradition, I too have taken some time to set goals for 2011...not quite resolutions..but just a few little things I'll be "focusing on."  We'll see how well this works out for me over the next 365 days...Here's to 2011...

• laugh more
• smile more
• spend less money
• cuss less
• eat less
• drink more wine
• wear red lips as frequently as possible
• match my undergarments
• read more books that are not related to medicine
• learn to do something new, maybe knitting?
• abide by the "2-second rule" when driving
• be more green
• travel all over
• facebook less, text less, call more
• edit my fb friend list
• kiss plenty of frogs
• find my prince, maybe...
• love again

-Stay Sassy, xo

You Make Me Sick!

As a future healthcare provider I am DISGUSTED by the article I read on thefrisky.com.  Actually, I am more than disgusted. I am infinitely mortified and disturbed by the actions of this morbidly obese woman from New Jersey named Donna Simpson.  Read below as reported by Julie Gerstein: 

What a 30,000 Calorie Holiday Meal Looks Like 

No matter how much you ate over the holiday weekend, we’re betting it was not even close to the amount of food that Donna Simpson devoured. The New Jersey woman is angling to be the fattest woman in the world, and is on a quest to weigh a thousand pounds, so she had a lot of holiday eating to do. Donna’s Christmas dinner? How about two turkeys, two hams, a roast, five pounds of mashed potatoes, and 20 pounds of vegetables? And, of course, there’s always room for dessert! For a sweet after-dinner treat, she had a “salad” of marshmallows, cream cheese, whipped cream and cookies. The whole meal took her two hours to eat (that’s it?!) and was around 30,000 calories—that’s, oh, about 15 times the recommended daily caloric allowance for a single day. Still, Simpson has a long way to go to reach her goal. She’s currently at 650 pounds. [NY Mag]

Apparently, after digging a little deeper, this has been a goal of this woman for awhile:

Wouldn’t life be liberating if you never had to worry about what you ate for fear of packing on the pounds or destroying your health? For Donna Simpson of New Jersey, life is that great. You see, Donna already weighs 602 pounds and has held the Guinness World Record for world’s fattest mom since 2007, when she gave birth to her daughter Jacqueline during a high-risk Caesarean procedure. But she wants to gain 400 more pounds so her total weight will be at least 1,000 pounds. Then, Donna might hold the record for world’s fattest woman. Donna, who wears a size XXXXXXXL, can’t go more than 20 feet without sitting down, and needs a mobility scooter to go shopping, consumes 12,000 calories a day to reach her goal. And as you guessed it, vegetables aren’t on the menu, although sushi is her favorite food. Donna makes her money through a website in which male admirers pay to watch while she consumes fast food. Her food bill is $750 a week. Yet Donna insists she’s healthy and her weight gain goals won’t be harmful. “I love eating and people love watching me eat,” she said to the Daily Mail. “It makes people happy, and I’m not harming anyone.” [Annika Harris, thefrisky.com, 3/15/10]

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this woman?  She actually wants to weigh ONE THOUSAND pounds?!  Give me a break.  And who the hell are these people out there supporting her by PAYING to watch her eat?!  You ALL need therapy.  I can hardly stand to watch an average sized person eat.


Lady, save yourself the joint pain, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and MEDICAL BILLS tax payers will ultimately pay for and put a gun to your head.  I would bet you're receiving some type of government assistance because we all know you probably don't have a job considering you can hardly walk 20 ft. without becoming SOB.  Harsh, I know.  People like you are exactly what's wrong with America, sky rocketing health care costs and the obesity epidemic.  I cannot even believe this. If your goal is to kill yourself, do it and get it over with so your children do not have to slowly watch you die and/or deal with the ridicule of having you as a mother.  What kind of impression are you trying to make on them?  She claims to be healthy, but I cannot even imagine what her blood pressure and cholesterol levels are.  Add diabetes in to the mix and she's got a recipe for a heart attack or stroke.  This lady is lucky she's not my patient.  I'd have to fire her. I'm just disgusted...now I have to go to the gym.

-Stay Sassy, xo

P.S.  I'm really sorry if I offend anyone after writing this who is overweight, obese, morbidly obese or may know someone who is.  I will be the first to admit that I know what it's like to struggle with food and weight.  But no one aims to be morbidly obese and risk their life like this nutty woman just to get her name in a f*cking book.

P.S.S. I truly am a compassionate and likable health care provider.  I just can't stand the thought of someone doing this to themselves.  It's sick.  And I am repulsed by whoever her healthcare provider is.  This woman needs some medical education on what she's doing to her body. 

True Life: I'm in Dating Detox

I promise this blog is not going to be the journey to me finding my soul mate...I'm actually engaging in Dating Detox (see below).  But is going to be about the so far very intriguing book I received for Christmas, Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.  I received this book from my favorite sister-in-law after she hoped it would "inspire me" and my blog.  Well it for sure has.  I've blogged about Patti Stanger in the past (read here). I love Millionaire Matchmaker and Patti, so I was super excited to see what she had to say in her book.  

I just finished reading the introduction and Step One: Dating Detox.  While I think I've already been in this stage for the past few months, I'd like to remain here just a little bit longer because I'm loving it!  In Patti's words, during Dating Detox, "Don't even think about going out on a date."  Ok, fine.  I won't.  I'm totally fine with this because I'm getting ready to dive in to the hardest twelve months of my life.  I don't have time for "dating" and all the b.s. that comes with it like wondering when he's going to call or text me next, gchat me, or wonder about whatever the hell he's doing sitting there at his f*cking computer until his name goes idle (don't act like you've never done that ladies). 

And now Patti says, it's time to determine my type.  So, according to Patti, I start with the last few guys I've dated.  They each get 5 qualities I loved/liked about them, and 5 qualities that made me want to shove their faces in to a brick wall.  Here it goes...(no specific order of course to obscure any identities):

Likes:

1. Funny
2. Always paid for dates (said it was his duty)
3. Successful
4. Tall
5. Educated
6. Handsome
7. Amazing cook (could also lead to weight gain)
8. Smart
9. Grounded
10. Amazing sex*
11. Chivalrous
12. Romantic
13. Pleasing
14. Loved traveling
15. Educated
16. Outgoing
17. Tall
18. Educated
19. Athletic
20. Gentleman 

Dislikes:

1. Immature
2. Sketchy
3. Drank too much
4. Not aggressive enough
5. Smoker
6. Unemotional
7. Closed off
8. Jaded
9. Blunt
10. Selfish
11. Mama's Boy
12. Fake
13. Label obsessed
14. Bull shitter
15. Immature
16. Smoker
17. Too quiet
18. Lacked confidence
19. Known serial dater
20. Partied...A LOT 

So from that Patti, I conclude um...not much.  Thanks for nothing.  So... I like an educated guy...that was about the only thing they all had in common. I'll leave you with these words in case you do the same exercise and conclude only that you've dated a lot of selfish, immature jackasses:

"It’s usually the smartest ones who take the longest to get married, because they can’t get their minds in sync with their hearts and bodies." - Patti Stanger

I'm hoping to figure it out by the time I'm 30.  I have a little over 3 years to go...it's game on...after detox of course.  Until then, all you handsome suitors out there dying to date me (pshhh...good one, I know, it's funny, right?), I'm taking reservations.  Remember, the best restaurants are booked weeks in advance, why not me?**  And until then, I'm thinking of myself like a great wine.  For sure a Pinot Noir.  According to About.Com, "Pinot Noir may be the toughest grape to grow, but the effort is often well worth the constant care and investment."  Sounds about right and I promise, as all (or a few) of my exes are kicking themselves for being dumb, the right guy will already have realized I'm well worth the investment...when I'm ready for him, of course.  Plus, I'm only getting better and more valuable with age.**

-Stay Sassy, xo

*Sorry to disappoint anyone who thought I was holding out until marriage.  It is 2010.

**Text adapted from Patti Stanger's book, Become Your Own Matchmaker

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas to all my friends, family and blog readers*.  May your bells get jingled and your stockings stuffed. 

*Happy Holidays to those whom this does not apply (hope your dreidel gets spun and your menorah lit).

I wish I could claim this creativity and wittiness, but I stole it from a facebook friend.  Either way, I hope that you all enjoy the holiday season, how ever you choose to celebrate.  I will be celebrating with my obnoxious family whom I love dearly drinking strong bloodys until the vodka runs out...then switcheroo to world famous Dago Red.  If you don't know what Dago Red is, I feel sorry for you.  Love me some Italians...for more reasons than their wine.  After that I'll probably watch Home Alone or Christmas Vacation again for the tenth time until the shitter is full (Pittsburg is entertaining).  

Wonder what his yule
log looks like?

If you live here in shitsburg, I'll see you tonight...most likely at McCarthy's.  Hopefully this man will be there to stuff my stocking and jingle my bells!  After a few strong cocktails, I'm sure I can find someone who looks remotely close.  (And for those of you out there who jump on any chance to harass me...that was a joke).  Merry Christmas to you too, you filthy animal. I must get back to my family, my bloody, our pajama party and the love that fills my house.  I love the holidays...it took me several years to appreciate the quirkiness of each of my family members, and now I wouldn't have it any other way! I am truly blessed!  Happy Holidays to you all and your families!  I hope you have a joyous holiday!

-Stay Sassy, xo

On a slightly more serious note...

One in six women will be victims of rape or attempted rape.  

One in eight will have breast cancer.  

"I’m more likely to be raped than I am to get breast cancer." -Andrea Grimes 

While I'm pondering my next sarcastic and less serious blog, take a second and read this article I stumbled across written by Andrea Grimes - Who Will Rape Me?  I was blown away by the article and the truth to it.  I never wanted my blog to get this serious or personal, but from my own experiences I couldn't pass it up.  Too many times women are accused of "wanting attention" or "being dramatic" after something serious like rape OR sexual assault occurs (depending on your personal definition of each).  When it happens, not only does the victim have to deal with the emotions and feelings of being assaulted, whether or not to tell, who to tell, feeling dirty, was it my fault, etc., but then when she does decide to tell someone she is faced with the scrutiny that she is being dramatic and making it up.  It's bullshit. I know girls can be crazy bitches, but who in their right mind would ever accuse someone of something so serious like assault or rape if there wasn't some truth behind it?  I know I never would.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Couldn't get the link to work?  Copy and paste here:

http://hayladies.wordpress.com/2010/12/21/who-will-rape-me/

True Life: I have PGV

PGV | Party Girl Voice | NOT an STD

I would like to introduce you to a new term I heard while driving home from class recently.  I frequently have my XM radio tuned to Cosmo Radio and this day in particular Cocktails with Patrick was airing.  I cannot recall the exact conversation, but Patrick was either talking to a caller with PGV or was talking about PGV.  


What is PGV you ask?  Party Girl Voice is an interesting attribution not all females can possess.  Those who are lucky enough to acquire PGV are very distinct in themselves.  You've probably all heard it.  And if you've ever spent a weekend with me, you are sure to know what I'm talking about.  If you haven't ever encountered PGV, let me describe it to you.  PGV is a sure sign of a great weekend.  After spending this past weekend in Vail, CO skiing and hanging out with my college roomie, I returned to STL sporting PGV.  Typically, I start developing PGV late in the evening after a few Jack Daniels cocktails (or any cocktail for that matter).  By the end of the night I sound like I've smoked 10 packs of cigarettes (I am not a smoker) and sometimes can barely get a word out.  It takes skill to perfect PGV.  Lots of dancing and having lots of fun!  It does not necessarily limit itself to the holidays and cold winter months, but with holiday parties, NYE and no school for me, it's sure to make an appearance more frequently.


One of the most infamous PGVs is that of Kristin Cavallari.  I can specifically remember an episode of The Hills when the group heads to Miami for the Super Bowl.  Kristin stays out partying all night and precisely displays the raspy voice characteristic of PGV with perfection.  Kristin has been known to enjoy herself out and about in LA and cities across the United States.  And who can blame her?  She's hot.  And she's young.  She deserves to live it up while she can.  There's always time to settle down in the future.  But for now, rock that PGV, Kristin.  And own it! 


That brings me to this...I've heard conflicting reactions to PGV.  My question to you...trashy? Or sassy?  Either way it doesn't really matter.  I can't really control it no matter how hydrated I stay or how much I talk while out at the bars.  This past weekend, Kel and I encountered some guys in Vail who couldn't get enough of it and thought it was awesome we sounded like men.  They may also have been gay...I'm not sure.  This wasn't the first time we've been together and have been approached regarding our voices.  We frequently encountered the same situations all throughout college and continue to any time we get together.  Bottom line whether you find it attractive or not, PGV is a sure sign of a good weekend with my best friend.


-Stay Sassy, xo


Still not sure what exactly PGV is...check out this clip from The Hills

The Hills - MTV Shows

Love that Crimson & Blue

TWELVE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

-Stay Sassy, xo

Go away!

Anonymous posts are not welcome here. If you don't like me or my blog, why are you wasting your time reading it? Many years ago I came to the realization that not everyone will like you and you won't get along with every person you encounter.  Therefore, I could care less if you do or do not like me.  If you're dumb enough to visit my blog via facebook and then proceed to trash me, I suggest you do me a favor and defriend me.   If you want to personally assault me on my own blog, please put your name.  Otherwise, your comments will not be posted. Should you choose to identify yourself, I will be more than happy to re-post your comments.  I value your opinion, but my blog is to serve no other purpose than for shits and giggles.  Nothing posted should be taken literally and if you don't find it entertaining and/or think it's creepy, quit reading it.  It's not rocket science.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Gone skiing...

Enjoy your weekend everyone!  I'm spending time with my college bestie in Denver for a Passions Party (ow ow) and then on to Vail to be a hot little snow bunny!  I'm hoping to purposely crash in to a hot skier/snow boarder who turns out to be the man out of my dreams and who then takes me back to his cabin to warm me up by the fire.  I love hot coco!  And considering Vail is one of the more expensive mountains to ski at, hopefully he'll be able to afford my fine tastes of Yurman, Tory Burch, Louboutin, Burberry, etc. Just kidding!  It would make for a good blog though...

-Stay Sassy, xo

Back to December

So I know there are several people out there who can't stand Taylor Swift...but I am not one of them.  Love it or hate it, I happen to love her and most of her songs.  I love her lyrics and can relate to a lot of them.  "Back to December" is her newest release from her latest CD "Speak Now."  Quick synopses - the song is reportedly about her short lived relationship with Taylor Lautner that ended last December.  

Although I cannot quite relate to every specific lyric in this song, I like it and there are some lines in it I can relate to.  More than anything, I probably have a guy or two in mind saying these things to me when I listen to it.  There's no way I want to go back to any point in my past relationships and change what happened so we could still be together today, but there are things I have done I would apologize for.  Anyway, I of course have the CD and listened on my drive back to STL yesterday.  When this song came on, it got me thinking about last December, and the December before that.  Making the 3-1/2 hour drive, I had plenty of time to reflect on how much my live has changed yearly, most notably over the past 5 years.   

Oh what a difference a year (or five) can make...
Dec 2005 - I was embarking on my last semester of college. What a whirl wind that was. I was enrolling in my last semester of undergrad and preparing for SB06 with my closest friends - a week that will go down as the best spring break ever under the worst possible circumstances. Life was good.

Dec 2006 - still wondering what to do with my life, I stayed in Lawrence and pretended to still be in college.  I was "happily" still dating my future husband (one of many "future husbands" I've dated over the years). I was excited to be accepted in to KU's School Of Med MPH program and planning to make the move to KC in the future months.

Dec 2007 was a bit different. I was on again/off again with my college bf as I battled for his attention and competed with his frat brothers as he partied away his last year of college. I think I even went home with him for Christmas - a place I never exactly felt welcome at. Thank God that didn't work out.

December 2008 - happily living in KC I was still working on my MPH and working. I enjoyed the holidays with all of my new friends I had met over the past year and who are still among my best friends!  I had a few new love interests and was so happy!  But there was one who I was most interested in and remember exchanging small gifts every day up until Christmas.  Thinking back, those were probably some of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever received.

Dec 2009 - my first december in STL. I was preparing for my trip to Buenos Aires to see my latest love interest and will forever remember that amazing trip. I was happy and couldn't imagine life getting any better. Little did I know how much would change over the ensuing year.

Dec 2010 - here were are. The past 12 months have been full of roller-coaster emotions.  Between the hardest year of my life academically and emotionally, I have survived and am stronger.  I lost a love and a best friend within a matter of days.  I dealt with the loss of an amazing friend, Dylan.  But the craziness of it all, within that short span of days, an amazing life was brought in to the world as well, baby Gunnar. In regards to school I can't believe I am embarking on 2011 and will soon be in the clinic actually taking care of patients...a thought that thrills me and scares me shitless at the same time. I never thought this day would come!  I'm one year closer to being Mel Plouv, MMS, PA-C, MPH!  Even though 2010 was a hard year, it was probably the biggest year of change for me on a personal level...and for that I would never go back to any other December.


-Stay Sassy, xo    

Dear Ex-Boyfriend

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

This is a friendly reminder that we have been broken up for several years now, yet you still continue to act like a child every time I see you.  I'm really confused by it.  It's clear that you are not a fan of me considering you blocked me on facebook and gchat years ago...which forces me to ask mutual friends how you are doing.  I just don't get why we must continue to pretend as if we do not know one another after being inseparable for several years.  I'm just wondering - is this because after a year of dicking me around you finally realized what you had and it was a little too late?  Did I upset you because I decided I was done dealing with your bullshit?  If so, that's your own fault.  But for the record, I do not think it is necessary for you to exit a bar when I approach a group of our mutual friends or blatantly ignore me when we are at the same social event.  That's just pathetic and immature.  People date for a reason and usually a part of that is because they care about one another and enjoy each other's company.  Even though things didn't work out between us (clearly for the best), I still care about you and wish you all the happiness in the world.  With that being said, the next time we run in to one another, I'm hoping your balls have dropped and you are able to maturely say hello.  I hope things work out with the horse.

I wish you nothing but the best,
Your Ex-Girlfriend

-Stay Sassy, xo

The fine line of aggressive dating

I'm not sure how many of you catch Millionaire Matchmaker, but I DVR it and watch it weekly.  This past week's episode really got me thinking.  Patti talks to her female millionaire this week about having too much "masculine energy" which in turn is why the "good guys" aren't asking her out...even though she's gorgeous.  Patti says that Leah is too aggressive for a "masculine energy man"...whatever that means.  But anyway, that got me to thinking.  Am I too aggressive?  And what exactly is too aggressive?  Overly aggressive to me would be going up to a random guy that you don't even know and more or less letting him know you wanted to go home with him tonight...whether you say it just like that or you tell him you want to beep his brains out.  My first thought was to ask every guy on my gchat list.  So I asked each of them, pretty open-endly, "Tell me what you think about aggressive girls...turn on or off?" Here's a few answers that I received.  Names have been changed, but ages haven't.


"In the bar, bedroom, or life in general?  Bar, yes.  Bedroom, yes.  General life, pain in the ass." -Matt, 24


"It's a delicate balance.  Showing she's interested is a turn on.  Taking control, turn off.  Unless she's a super-babe, then it doesn't matter at first." -Thomas, 26


"I personally like it. I mean I wouldn't ever be with my future wife if it wasn't for her taking the initiative.  But there is a fine line.  A girl has to make it apparent that she likes you, but she shouldn't go too far and make you think she wants to have sex with you.  She should control that part.  But when alcohol is involved it's a slightly different story." -Brian, 28


"In most cases, a turn on.  I think it can go both ways.  I also like the thrill of the chase." -Chad, 29


"Well in my opinion a little sassy is always nice.  However, sensors are good too.  Sexually aggressive is a huge turn on to me." -Paul, 30

Until I watched the last episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, I understood aggressive to mean confident.  But maybe I'm way off.  I think it's hot when someone knows who and what they want in life.  Now Patti has me TOTALLY freaked out and confused.  I know some of you reading my blog do not know me personally, but those who do should know that I am pretty confident and open - especially sexually.  I think it's important to be in tune to your own sexuality.  Sex is a good thing.  Sometimes I say things that may be considered inappropriate...usually after a Jack Daniels cocktail or two...or four.  But until this episode, I never really thought about it being a turn off.  I have been known to "go after what I want" whether it be for that night or for a relationship.  But now I'm wondering if I should tone it down a notch.   

There's always the flip side to everything.  If I tone down my "aggressiveness," then am I trying to be someone I'm not?  If a guy doesn't like me for me, then what good is that going to do?  I'm not someone who charms guys by playing dumb, acting like an air head and letting them call all the shots.  If I like you, you'll know it.  And if I'm too aggressive for you, well I guess I'm sorry.  I love aggressive guys, but if I'm aggressive, does that mean aggressive guys don't like me?  Am I even aggressive?  Or just confident?  I'm so confused!

Based on my scientific research, I think we can conclude that men like an aggressive woman in the bedroom...check!  In the "real world" of dating, I guess we as females are supposed to sit back and let the guy set the pace and tell US when he wants to take US out.  Or at least in the beginning...which is sorta hard for me to do considering I get a little impatient.  I'm pretty sure the last guy I "dated" (and I use that term lightly) can vouch for that.  His idea was a date every other week - not kosher in my book.  If you tell me you like me (which he did), then you're making time to hang out with me (which he did not).  Bottom line.  If you don't like me, oh well.  To that I say...NEXT IN LINE, PLEASE!

I leave you with the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."


...and still the unanswered question...what is too aggressive?

-Stay Sassy, xo

True Life: I'M GETTING MARRIED!

Can you believe it?!  I'm making it BLOG official!!!  I am getting MARRIED!!!  

GET REAL!  I am so far from getting engaged it's not even funny.  But my future engagement ring is so pretty isn't it?  As we all know, with the holidays comes Facebook announcements of couples all over the world getting engaged.  I swear every day I log on, someone else is engaged and I am again reminded I am not.  In years past it annoyed me.  But this year it's different.  This year instead of me telling everyone congrats and smiling but inside feeling jealousy towards the huge rock the latest person just received, I am personally content with my life and where I am.  YES I am almost 27 years old and YES I am 100% single and NO I have no desire to be with anyone right now except for my battery operated friend, Hiroshima.  The only person I'm in a monogamous relationship with is myself!  But the glory of it all, I AM IN LOVE WITH IT!  I have finally fallen in love with myself and couldn't be happier.  Singleness has brought me a completely new perspective on life and I have finally learned to love it.  I have gained so much independence and insight over the past 8 months it's unbelievable.  Someone who shall remain nameless attempted to belittle me by telling me because I go home alone at night, "the joke is on me."  But the sad part of that statement is how pathetic it is to judge happiness based on whether or not you have someone to go home to.  Joke is actually on YOU because you rely on "man" to make you happy.  And you're a mean girl, so clearly you suck.

Doesn't it look good on me?
www.tivol.com

I never realized how important it was to love yourself before you can love someone else and I am finally there.  So, congrats to all of you who are recently engaged (especially my best friend from high school, Ashley).  I can finally say I am truly SO happy for YOU and all the other engagements to come (specifically for the celebrations to follow).  But I am MORE HAPPY FOR ME!  And just for future references, IF my future husband is reading this blog right now, here is the ring I expect when I finally find you.  And just so you know, it can be found at Tivol in Kansas City for the small fee of $60,000.  Also, I'd like an engagement party immediately following (a surprise of course) with all of my best friends to celebrate...

-Stay Sassy, xo


P.S. A special shout out to whoever it was who called me and left me a voicemail singing a romantic country song.  It was very sweet and I wish I could thank you.  But considering you blocked your number, I cannot do that.  So, thank you.