HAPPY NEW YEAR!

‎"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."  -Oprah Winfrey

Today I read online that some cultures
wear red undies for good luck on NYE.
So bust out your red panties ladies!

www.victoriassecret.com

Happy New Year to everyone!  One last night to make it right...and if you don't get it right, well, there's always next year!  So go out and have fun.  Kiss a fool.  Have a one night stand (I actually read somewhere girls are more likely to have a one night stand on NYE than any other night of the year - great news for you man whores out there).  Whatever you choose.  I'll be spending my night quietly with some of my favorite people and their babies.  I couldn't be more excited to ring in 2011 in great company without a kiss...unless it's from a kiss on the cheek from my favorite 8-year-old, Otto.

In accordance with the New Year's tradition, I too have taken some time to set goals for 2011...not quite resolutions..but just a few little things I'll be "focusing on."  We'll see how well this works out for me over the next 365 days...Here's to 2011...

• laugh more
• smile more
• spend less money
• cuss less
• eat less
• drink more wine
• wear red lips as frequently as possible
• match my undergarments
• read more books that are not related to medicine
• learn to do something new, maybe knitting?
• abide by the "2-second rule" when driving
• be more green
• travel all over
• facebook less, text less, call more
• edit my fb friend list
• kiss plenty of frogs
• find my prince, maybe...
• love again

-Stay Sassy, xo

You Make Me Sick!

As a future healthcare provider I am DISGUSTED by the article I read on thefrisky.com.  Actually, I am more than disgusted. I am infinitely mortified and disturbed by the actions of this morbidly obese woman from New Jersey named Donna Simpson.  Read below as reported by Julie Gerstein: 

What a 30,000 Calorie Holiday Meal Looks Like 

No matter how much you ate over the holiday weekend, we’re betting it was not even close to the amount of food that Donna Simpson devoured. The New Jersey woman is angling to be the fattest woman in the world, and is on a quest to weigh a thousand pounds, so she had a lot of holiday eating to do. Donna’s Christmas dinner? How about two turkeys, two hams, a roast, five pounds of mashed potatoes, and 20 pounds of vegetables? And, of course, there’s always room for dessert! For a sweet after-dinner treat, she had a “salad” of marshmallows, cream cheese, whipped cream and cookies. The whole meal took her two hours to eat (that’s it?!) and was around 30,000 calories—that’s, oh, about 15 times the recommended daily caloric allowance for a single day. Still, Simpson has a long way to go to reach her goal. She’s currently at 650 pounds. [NY Mag]

Apparently, after digging a little deeper, this has been a goal of this woman for awhile:

Wouldn’t life be liberating if you never had to worry about what you ate for fear of packing on the pounds or destroying your health? For Donna Simpson of New Jersey, life is that great. You see, Donna already weighs 602 pounds and has held the Guinness World Record for world’s fattest mom since 2007, when she gave birth to her daughter Jacqueline during a high-risk Caesarean procedure. But she wants to gain 400 more pounds so her total weight will be at least 1,000 pounds. Then, Donna might hold the record for world’s fattest woman. Donna, who wears a size XXXXXXXL, can’t go more than 20 feet without sitting down, and needs a mobility scooter to go shopping, consumes 12,000 calories a day to reach her goal. And as you guessed it, vegetables aren’t on the menu, although sushi is her favorite food. Donna makes her money through a website in which male admirers pay to watch while she consumes fast food. Her food bill is $750 a week. Yet Donna insists she’s healthy and her weight gain goals won’t be harmful. “I love eating and people love watching me eat,” she said to the Daily Mail. “It makes people happy, and I’m not harming anyone.” [Annika Harris, thefrisky.com, 3/15/10]

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this woman?  She actually wants to weigh ONE THOUSAND pounds?!  Give me a break.  And who the hell are these people out there supporting her by PAYING to watch her eat?!  You ALL need therapy.  I can hardly stand to watch an average sized person eat.


Lady, save yourself the joint pain, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and MEDICAL BILLS tax payers will ultimately pay for and put a gun to your head.  I would bet you're receiving some type of government assistance because we all know you probably don't have a job considering you can hardly walk 20 ft. without becoming SOB.  Harsh, I know.  People like you are exactly what's wrong with America, sky rocketing health care costs and the obesity epidemic.  I cannot even believe this. If your goal is to kill yourself, do it and get it over with so your children do not have to slowly watch you die and/or deal with the ridicule of having you as a mother.  What kind of impression are you trying to make on them?  She claims to be healthy, but I cannot even imagine what her blood pressure and cholesterol levels are.  Add diabetes in to the mix and she's got a recipe for a heart attack or stroke.  This lady is lucky she's not my patient.  I'd have to fire her. I'm just disgusted...now I have to go to the gym.

-Stay Sassy, xo

P.S.  I'm really sorry if I offend anyone after writing this who is overweight, obese, morbidly obese or may know someone who is.  I will be the first to admit that I know what it's like to struggle with food and weight.  But no one aims to be morbidly obese and risk their life like this nutty woman just to get her name in a f*cking book.

P.S.S. I truly am a compassionate and likable health care provider.  I just can't stand the thought of someone doing this to themselves.  It's sick.  And I am repulsed by whoever her healthcare provider is.  This woman needs some medical education on what she's doing to her body. 

True Life: I'm in Dating Detox

I promise this blog is not going to be the journey to me finding my soul mate...I'm actually engaging in Dating Detox (see below).  But is going to be about the so far very intriguing book I received for Christmas, Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.  I received this book from my favorite sister-in-law after she hoped it would "inspire me" and my blog.  Well it for sure has.  I've blogged about Patti Stanger in the past (read here). I love Millionaire Matchmaker and Patti, so I was super excited to see what she had to say in her book.  

I just finished reading the introduction and Step One: Dating Detox.  While I think I've already been in this stage for the past few months, I'd like to remain here just a little bit longer because I'm loving it!  In Patti's words, during Dating Detox, "Don't even think about going out on a date."  Ok, fine.  I won't.  I'm totally fine with this because I'm getting ready to dive in to the hardest twelve months of my life.  I don't have time for "dating" and all the b.s. that comes with it like wondering when he's going to call or text me next, gchat me, or wonder about whatever the hell he's doing sitting there at his f*cking computer until his name goes idle (don't act like you've never done that ladies). 

And now Patti says, it's time to determine my type.  So, according to Patti, I start with the last few guys I've dated.  They each get 5 qualities I loved/liked about them, and 5 qualities that made me want to shove their faces in to a brick wall.  Here it goes...(no specific order of course to obscure any identities):

Likes:

1. Funny
2. Always paid for dates (said it was his duty)
3. Successful
4. Tall
5. Educated
6. Handsome
7. Amazing cook (could also lead to weight gain)
8. Smart
9. Grounded
10. Amazing sex*
11. Chivalrous
12. Romantic
13. Pleasing
14. Loved traveling
15. Educated
16. Outgoing
17. Tall
18. Educated
19. Athletic
20. Gentleman 

Dislikes:

1. Immature
2. Sketchy
3. Drank too much
4. Not aggressive enough
5. Smoker
6. Unemotional
7. Closed off
8. Jaded
9. Blunt
10. Selfish
11. Mama's Boy
12. Fake
13. Label obsessed
14. Bull shitter
15. Immature
16. Smoker
17. Too quiet
18. Lacked confidence
19. Known serial dater
20. Partied...A LOT 

So from that Patti, I conclude um...not much.  Thanks for nothing.  So... I like an educated guy...that was about the only thing they all had in common. I'll leave you with these words in case you do the same exercise and conclude only that you've dated a lot of selfish, immature jackasses:

"It’s usually the smartest ones who take the longest to get married, because they can’t get their minds in sync with their hearts and bodies." - Patti Stanger

I'm hoping to figure it out by the time I'm 30.  I have a little over 3 years to go...it's game on...after detox of course.  Until then, all you handsome suitors out there dying to date me (pshhh...good one, I know, it's funny, right?), I'm taking reservations.  Remember, the best restaurants are booked weeks in advance, why not me?**  And until then, I'm thinking of myself like a great wine.  For sure a Pinot Noir.  According to About.Com, "Pinot Noir may be the toughest grape to grow, but the effort is often well worth the constant care and investment."  Sounds about right and I promise, as all (or a few) of my exes are kicking themselves for being dumb, the right guy will already have realized I'm well worth the investment...when I'm ready for him, of course.  Plus, I'm only getting better and more valuable with age.**

-Stay Sassy, xo

*Sorry to disappoint anyone who thought I was holding out until marriage.  It is 2010.

**Text adapted from Patti Stanger's book, Become Your Own Matchmaker

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas to all my friends, family and blog readers*.  May your bells get jingled and your stockings stuffed. 

*Happy Holidays to those whom this does not apply (hope your dreidel gets spun and your menorah lit).

I wish I could claim this creativity and wittiness, but I stole it from a facebook friend.  Either way, I hope that you all enjoy the holiday season, how ever you choose to celebrate.  I will be celebrating with my obnoxious family whom I love dearly drinking strong bloodys until the vodka runs out...then switcheroo to world famous Dago Red.  If you don't know what Dago Red is, I feel sorry for you.  Love me some Italians...for more reasons than their wine.  After that I'll probably watch Home Alone or Christmas Vacation again for the tenth time until the shitter is full (Pittsburg is entertaining).  

Wonder what his yule
log looks like?

If you live here in shitsburg, I'll see you tonight...most likely at McCarthy's.  Hopefully this man will be there to stuff my stocking and jingle my bells!  After a few strong cocktails, I'm sure I can find someone who looks remotely close.  (And for those of you out there who jump on any chance to harass me...that was a joke).  Merry Christmas to you too, you filthy animal. I must get back to my family, my bloody, our pajama party and the love that fills my house.  I love the holidays...it took me several years to appreciate the quirkiness of each of my family members, and now I wouldn't have it any other way! I am truly blessed!  Happy Holidays to you all and your families!  I hope you have a joyous holiday!

-Stay Sassy, xo

On a slightly more serious note...

One in six women will be victims of rape or attempted rape.  

One in eight will have breast cancer.  

"I’m more likely to be raped than I am to get breast cancer." -Andrea Grimes 

While I'm pondering my next sarcastic and less serious blog, take a second and read this article I stumbled across written by Andrea Grimes - Who Will Rape Me?  I was blown away by the article and the truth to it.  I never wanted my blog to get this serious or personal, but from my own experiences I couldn't pass it up.  Too many times women are accused of "wanting attention" or "being dramatic" after something serious like rape OR sexual assault occurs (depending on your personal definition of each).  When it happens, not only does the victim have to deal with the emotions and feelings of being assaulted, whether or not to tell, who to tell, feeling dirty, was it my fault, etc., but then when she does decide to tell someone she is faced with the scrutiny that she is being dramatic and making it up.  It's bullshit. I know girls can be crazy bitches, but who in their right mind would ever accuse someone of something so serious like assault or rape if there wasn't some truth behind it?  I know I never would.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Couldn't get the link to work?  Copy and paste here:

http://hayladies.wordpress.com/2010/12/21/who-will-rape-me/

True Life: I have PGV

PGV | Party Girl Voice | NOT an STD

I would like to introduce you to a new term I heard while driving home from class recently.  I frequently have my XM radio tuned to Cosmo Radio and this day in particular Cocktails with Patrick was airing.  I cannot recall the exact conversation, but Patrick was either talking to a caller with PGV or was talking about PGV.  


What is PGV you ask?  Party Girl Voice is an interesting attribution not all females can possess.  Those who are lucky enough to acquire PGV are very distinct in themselves.  You've probably all heard it.  And if you've ever spent a weekend with me, you are sure to know what I'm talking about.  If you haven't ever encountered PGV, let me describe it to you.  PGV is a sure sign of a great weekend.  After spending this past weekend in Vail, CO skiing and hanging out with my college roomie, I returned to STL sporting PGV.  Typically, I start developing PGV late in the evening after a few Jack Daniels cocktails (or any cocktail for that matter).  By the end of the night I sound like I've smoked 10 packs of cigarettes (I am not a smoker) and sometimes can barely get a word out.  It takes skill to perfect PGV.  Lots of dancing and having lots of fun!  It does not necessarily limit itself to the holidays and cold winter months, but with holiday parties, NYE and no school for me, it's sure to make an appearance more frequently.


One of the most infamous PGVs is that of Kristin Cavallari.  I can specifically remember an episode of The Hills when the group heads to Miami for the Super Bowl.  Kristin stays out partying all night and precisely displays the raspy voice characteristic of PGV with perfection.  Kristin has been known to enjoy herself out and about in LA and cities across the United States.  And who can blame her?  She's hot.  And she's young.  She deserves to live it up while she can.  There's always time to settle down in the future.  But for now, rock that PGV, Kristin.  And own it! 


That brings me to this...I've heard conflicting reactions to PGV.  My question to you...trashy? Or sassy?  Either way it doesn't really matter.  I can't really control it no matter how hydrated I stay or how much I talk while out at the bars.  This past weekend, Kel and I encountered some guys in Vail who couldn't get enough of it and thought it was awesome we sounded like men.  They may also have been gay...I'm not sure.  This wasn't the first time we've been together and have been approached regarding our voices.  We frequently encountered the same situations all throughout college and continue to any time we get together.  Bottom line whether you find it attractive or not, PGV is a sure sign of a good weekend with my best friend.


-Stay Sassy, xo


Still not sure what exactly PGV is...check out this clip from The Hills

The Hills - MTV Shows

Love that Crimson & Blue

TWELVE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!

-Stay Sassy, xo