The Tale of the Napkin Boy

Have you ever been sitting at a table on the sidewalk with friends on a nice summer night enjoying drinks when all of the sudden some random person says, "Excuse me, sorry for interrupting" and slips you a napkin with his/her name on it and their phone number?  Yea - me neither - unless of course you are my girlfriend, Jen.  Because this is exactly what happened to us last Friday night (ew - I just sang that in my head like that stupid f*cking song by Katy Perry - not a fan).

So, here we are, sitting outside of Bar Louie in the CWE enjoying our cocktails with another guy from my class.  All of a sudden, random dark headed boy interrupts our conversation, drops the napkin and leaves.  Seriously?  SRSLY?  Did that just happen?  Why yes, yes it did.  We couldn't believe it.  Jen and I were awe struck.  That was one helluva ballsy move.  So as Jen sits there blushing, we continue to gush about what just happened. 

First things first, we check out the area code.  Shit.  407 - that's definitely not good ol STL.  Immediately googling it, we find out it's Orlando - which supports his handsome Latino looks.  He must be a transplant to the STL area.  I ask Jen if she's going to text him and she says, "Of course.  What do I have to lose?!"  Precisely. 

So I get a text from Jen yesterday and our conversation goes something like this:

Jen: Napkin boy lives in New York.  Typical.
Me: Bullshit.  WTF.  Why did he even give you his number then?  Did he think he could fly you up for a weekend rendezvous?
Jen: No idea...it's kind of annoying actually.  And if I am really being honest, it makes sense, STL boys would NEVER approach a girl like that, if at all.

So riddle me this - guys, why the hell would you give your number out to someone like that, get her excited and make her feel flattered if you knew there was absolutely no chance.  WTF was this dude thinking?  Did he really think he was that hot and that smooth that she would text him immediately and hook up with him while he was in town then she'd move to NYC and live happily ever after (seriously doubt the last part, only the first)?  Seriously? SRSLY?  I just don't understand the male species.  Someone please explain.

Once again, proof that guys are idiots.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Dear Readers:

I think I may be over blogging. It was fun while it lasted, but the more I think about it, the more I'm annoyed by it. Lately I've been reading far too many blogs that make me want to gag. Yes, I know I've said it before - if you don't like it, don't read it. That's precisely why I've stopped reading your blog. I'm tired of reading hypocritical posts about this and that, most of which make no sense at all. Don't say anything that might hurt someone's feelings...but then two sentences later you say something disrespectful but tell me I'm disrespectful because I said a curse word or called an obese person fat. People these days need to grow a backbone. There's something called the First Amendment for a reason. Ugh...I'm cranky. And I miss Dallas.

So thank you to those who have continued to read my blog.  I'm not going to delete it quite yet until I think about this for more than 27 minutes.  I'll keep you posted. :)

I'm going to go have a bomb pop now.  If you haven't noticed via twitter, I'm slightly obsessed these days.

-Stay Sassy, xo

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." 

— Dr. Seuss

Live from Dallas | Part II

So another couple of weeks have come and gone here in the good 'ol state of Texas.  If there was ever a moment I wished time would slow down, now might be one of those moments - only for the reason that I LOVE being in Dallas and yet again I am not looking forward to going back to St. Louis here in a few short weeks (although I absolutely can't wait to see Jen, my PA loves and float the river!!)  Working at a children's hospital has been just the experience I was hoping for.  I absolutely LOVE it, just as I thought I would.  Working in the emergency department has been the perfect mix of everything that I love - and the three 12 hour shift per week make the lifestyle pretty legit.  The only thing that would make it better right now would be to be receiving a pay check.  Working for free...and actually paying tuition to work is not cool.  Especially with the AMAZING shopping Dallas has.

Over the past several weeks I've seen a variety of things in the ED.  Some sadder than others.  I've seen fear in children's eyes relieved by a simple grip of the elbow and a twist of the forearm (Nursemaid's elbow).  I've sutured gashes so perfectly closed leaving childhood memories in the form of scars on almost every body part imaginable.  Ripped foreskin?  No problem - I'll just use Dermabond and glue that back together.  Broken arm?  I got it - I'll drug your child up, reduce the fracture, and put a cast on it...all under the close supervision of my preceptor of course...PA Fisher (also quickly becoming a great friend again).  Then there's the not so fun cases like telling a 13 year old girl she was infected with chlamydia from the first guy she ever had sex with.  And then having to report it to social work.  Thank God for social workers.  I'm pretty sure she instilled the fear of life in that child to never have sex again and gave her the guidance her mother never shared with her.  It makes me realize how truly blessed I was to have a mother who cared about me and every detail of my life SO much, even when I thought she was the meanest mom in the world.

The social scene in Dallas has continued to impress.  While I haven't been kicked out of any more bars, thankfully (as told in Part I), I have enjoyed every night I've gone out.  I'm sure a lot of it is because it's new to me.  But the people here are so friendly and every time I go out, I meet new people.  The social scene is ENDLESS.  There are so many places to go to.  And so many things to do.  Every single night.  I've been working on being a social drinker...and not a drunk.  I had dinner with two friends from Pittsburg (my home town) last week and we came to a conclusion that when you're from a small town, you never learn how to be a social drinker.  You only learn how to get wasted because there's really nothing better to do.  People in Dallas go out every night of the week.  But they don't necessarily get trashed every night of the week.  I plan to master this skill as well.

Yesterday I got my first REAL taste of a true Texas Honkey Tonk in the form of Ft. Worth, TX. Holy Texas! When I first told my uncle I was going to head to the stock yards for the Fourth of July he smirked and told me to get ready for an experience. He wasn't kidding. In terms of Dallas/Ft. Worth, he called Dallas "sophistication" and Ft. Worth "country." Now I won't go as far as to say Ft. Worth has no sophistication at all, but damn....it sure is night and day. Cowboys, Wranglers and shit kickers...with dried shit still on them. I saw a black cowboy (which apparently isn't too common) as well as an Asian Cowgirl (she was quite the two-stepper) and of course several, tattooed and toothless coming-out-of-the-cracks total W.T. wearing far too little clothing.




And on a final note - Classy With a Side of Sassy will be moving south as of December.  I've decided to make a change and a move in my life.  And there's no better time than now.  Don't get me wrong, KC - I love, love you dearly.  But I'm afraid if I move back, I'll always regret that I never gave Dallas a chance.  I'm afraid I'll get settled in to life in KC with the same circle of friends, the same bars, the same scenery and never meet anyone new.  Dating in KC hasn't been successful thus far, so I think it's time to give Dallas a chance.  I know it's going to be hard without my strong circle of friends.  But I also know, I'll meet new people in no time.  There are tons of Jayhawks down here...more than I probably realize.  And the added bonus - the medical community in Dallas is phenomenal!  PAs are in such a high demand I should have no problem finding a job.  And even better - they make bank!  It's time I face the challenge and take the plunge.  Bring it on Dallas.  I'm ready for you!

"After all, things change, so do cities.  People come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart...and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away." -SATC

-Stay sassy, xo  

Live from Dallas | Part I | Have You Missed Me?!

Week One

It's official - I'm a Texan.  And by "official" I mean only for the next 5 weeks, still with my Kansas DL, Kansas plates and an apartment sitting in St. Louis.  If you're feeling a little out of the loop - quick update - I'm dong an elective rotation at Children's Medical Center Dallas in the emergency department with my fabulous friend PA Fisher.  Last week was my "vacation week" which constitutes the only week during clinical rotation year that you get off - as in not work, not sexually.  While some of my fellow classmates spent theirs in Mexico and Florida, I spent mine moving down to Hot as Balls Dallas, TX.  My mom, Marley and I made the 7 hour trek last Tuesday in my jam packed TSX and spent the rest of the week running errands for my procrastinator Uncle - whom, bee-tee-dubs I adore...just sayin'.  Apparently men don't like to furniture shop and assume just because women love to shop, we must also love to shop for bedroom furniture...for someone else.  Wrong.  I enjoy shopping for myself and myself only...oh and for all my friends who have babies (that shit makes me teary eyed).   After two days of driving around Dallas/Plano searching for the perfect dresser, night stand and head board, he of course settled on the very first one we showed him (btw, my awesome single uncle is recently divorced from a nut job who took the guest bedroom furniture - hence the unfurnished bedroom).

So, as you probably have caught on to - you smart little cookie, you -  I am staying with my handsome and did I mention? fun and single uncle in North Dallas.  So far, so good.  We've done some grilling out and sipped on a few glasses of wine.  Even better, he let me bring Miss Marie who is adjusting rather well to the Texas heat with her butchered hair cut - no making fun.

Friday I dropped my mom off at the airport and spent the rest of the day lying by the pool working on my tan lines before heading to HH.  There, I met my first true Texan friend.  She's just precious...and I mean PRESH.  Picture Texas chick and you picture her.  Bubbly and blond.  Sarah and I were the first to arrive at the Mexican restaurant we decided to fancy for Skinny Bitch Margs and chips, salsa and guac.  All the sudden bubbly, blond Texan plops down in the booth and says, "Oh my God, y'all! It's so f*cking hot out there!"  I knew from then on we were going to be friends.  I died when I heard her Southern twang and then peed my pants a little when she said the f-word...because if you've ever had a convo with me (unless your an elder to me and I was doing my best to behave) I have quite the potty mouth at times.  We had great conversation the rest of the night - much of which I can't recall.

Then, just like that along came Saturday.  I again, woke up and plopped my ass by the pool for a little sun as I sobered up just in time to go out again.  Saturday night was spent in Uptown with a mutual friend from Kansas City who just made the big move down to Dallas.  I randomly ran in to Nathan in KC before I left and found out he was relocating.  From that moment on, it was decided we would be Kansas Partners in Crime.  And that we were.  We spent a few beers catching up on the last few years of our lives in KC.  I met him through my ex-boyfriend and you know how that goes - once you break up with the loser boyfriend, you break up with his friends too - so I hadn't seen him too much since then.

We hit up a few bars and after a few vodka drinks my sass started to come out.  Weird.  Imagine that.  We met some random guys and hung out with them for the rest of the night - mostly because we couldn't get rid of the little Cub Scout and his friends.  Cub Scout spent the entire night hitting on me.  I repeatedly thanked him for the compliments, but no thanks.  Clearly (hence the nickname), Cub Scout was a few years younger than me and I tried to explain to him that I wasn't interested in dating anyone who I potentially could have babysat as a child.

We finally made a mad dash and ditched him and hit up another bar.  I'm just going to preface this with saying, I was NOT a hot mess.  A few cocktails - yes.  Drunk as a skunk on the forth of July - no.  So as we approached the last bar, I finagled in my Marc Jacobs bag to find my ID.  I'm not sure if the door guy was more pissed that he was 20-something and still just a door guy or if he just hates Kansas.  I flashed my DL and headed in to the bar.  As I was walking in...seriously like FIVE steps, I kind of rolled my ankle - any female who wears heels - especially a short little shit like me who wears at least 3 inch heels at the very least knows how easy it is to slightly stumble SOBER.  Apparently pissed off door guy thought I was wasted out of my mind and proceeded to stop me and tell me I was done and had to leave the bar.  Seriously?  SRSLY?!  I couldn't believe him!  I wasn't even that intoxicated - clearly because I can fully recall the story. I looked at him with disgust, spit in his face and left....KIDDING.  I did nothing of the sort.  I tried to explain that I had tripped over my own feet but he was not having it.  Whatever dude.  Sorry you hate life.

So with that being said - it took me less than one week to get kicked out of a bar.  Reallllll classy.

I think this post has gone on quite a bit - maybe too much.  But considering my uncle doesn't have internet at his house, my posts will probably be few and far between while I'm in Dallas at the local Starbucks.  Keep checking back and I'll let you in on the HOTTIE Southern gents (straight out of a Vineyard Vines or Polo catalog) and a few of my stories of working nights in the Emergency Department...kids do the darndest things!

-Stay Sassy, xo

missing love.

I miss being madly in love.

"I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped." - Fritz Perls

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." -Neil Gaiman

 

"In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do."

 

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.” -Swedish Proverb

 

“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.” -Julie de Lespinasse



“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”

-Stay Sassy, xo

Dear Bloggers - Present and Future

So this week I learned you can't post pictures of Gaga and her wardrobe malfunction or you will get reported.  Thank you to whoever reported me...but seriously...get a life.  I'm assuming it's someone who accidentally stumbled upon my blog googling pictures of "Colin Egglesfield" -  I know this because there's a little setting I can look at to see how people arrive at my website.  And aside from me posting a link on my fb page, that's how I get a majority of my other hits.  But seriously...come on...those pictures are plastered all over the flipping internet.  All you have to put in to google is "Gaga" and her nips pop up.  No one under the age of 18 should be reading my blog anyway.

The entire nation is talking about the Weiner scandal for obvious reasons yet I get slammed for talking about Gaga and her barely there attire (note to self - don't marry anyone with the last name of Weiner and go in to politics or urology - you're just asking for it).  So dumb.  Anyway - if you're thinking about being a blogger - don't post readily available almost nude pics or you will get flagged.  So, I'm sorry to my readers if you've had to click on the button that you "accept my blog may or may not be offensive" each time you come to my page.  Believe me, it's just as annoying to me as it is to you. Double woof.

Oh...and another thing you shouldn't blog about - weight.  It pisses the skinny people off when you call them skinny.  It pisses the chunky people off when you say they need to lose weight.  So I advise you not to do it - although there's an 85% chance I'll probably do it again at some point.  I have also learned it's okay if you do it about yourself.  But, you won't find me blogging or reading about skinny girls bitching about how life sucks being skinny.  I'll stick a burger in their face and tell them to shove it.  For the record, I'm not one of "those" girls - I'm just average plain Jane with a little junk in the trunk, but apparently need an inch or two more...according to my trainer.  He's smoking something funky.  I guess I should probably listen considering he's the one on magazine covers...not me.

Ok, that's enough.  My apartment is 88 degrees and I must get out before I melt like a butterball turkey....I bet you just read this and thought to yourself - that blog had no point.  I know I just did.  That's just how my mind is working today....900 miles an hour.

Happy FRIDAY!!!!

-Stay Sassy, xo

Dear KC Part II

Dear KC -

I know I left you hanging with my last post, but I had some things to finish up.  I've loved, loved, LOVED being back in Kansas City.  Being back with friends has been more than amazing and so much fun, to say the very least.  With many of you, it was like I was never gone.  We immediately picked right back up where we left off and I feel like I was never gone.  Thanks to the many welcome back drinks and shots, I think I may have gained a small percentage of my tolerance back that I seemed to have lost over the past two years in PA School.  I wish I could individually thank each and every one of you, but I know I'd inadvertently miss someone and then, boom...I'm the bad guy.  Many of you I didn't get to hang out with nearly enough and some of you I didn't even get to see.  I wish I had more time.

Now on to the lessons in love/lust I've been taught and/or reminded of.

KC, over the past 6 weeks you taught me what it means to "hang out."  Last time I checked, when you asked someone if they wanted to hang out, that meant you wanted to spend time with them, get to know them better...and maybe stay sober.  Apparently, not anymore.  I felt like I was singing another verse in that stupid Tim McGraw song, Back When.  NEWS FLASH..."Hang out" is now code for, "Hey do you want to come over so I can have sex with you?"  Total letdown.  I actually kind of liked this guy - which is actually huge for me considering I've been anti-boys for the past year - until I realized he only wanted to "hang out" the second way and not the first.  Woof.  

You also reminded me meeting love interests happens when you least expect it.  Except, even when you least expect it, timing is still everything.  I met plaid shirt guy one random Thursday night at Kona Grill.  We had been eyeing each other all night and he was yet to approach me.  A few glasses of wine later and after a pep talk from a friend, I decided to make the first move and approach him.  We had wonderful conversation and plaid shirt was really impressing me.  Until I found out he was moving to Chicago.  Bummer.  

We went out on a date anyway and it was amazing.  Complete gentleman.  Smart. Successful.  Really seemed like he had his shit together.  So we hung out a second time before he left - and by that I mean the first definition of hanging out - what I thought hanging out was...sober.  He kept saying all these sweet things to me and acted like he was totally in to me asking about my life, my career, etc.  He even shared with me how he told his boss and his boss's wife all about me (I mean I am kind of a big deal).  Plans of a trip to Chicago were spoken of leading me to believe he wanted to continue talking after he left to see what could happen.  After all, STL is closer to Chicago than KC - which he actually pointed out.  Yea, right...I almost believed it.  Since, the only time I've heard from him was when I texted him to make sure he made it to Chicago okay.  Just as I expected.  Double woof.

So KC, I guess it comes down to this.  We have a love-hate relationship with one another.  I love you for my friends and being close to my family.  I love you for the Plaza and the Falloon.  I love you for First Fridays and Sol Cantina.  I love you for Prairie Village, Mission Hills and the Zinn's.  I love you for reminding me how far I've come over the past two years. But I hate you for my love life - or lack there of.  So that leaves me with this... 

...Bring it on Dallas.  Show me the sweet southern gentleman I deserve.  I'm ready.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Dear KC Part I

Dear KC -

Thank you for ALMOST restoring my faith in relationships, men...and I dare I say it...l-l-l-l...nope can't do it.  For about 10 days I almost thought I'd met a few decent chaps...turns out their crap like the rest of them.  Sorry boys.

Proof and stories still to come.  I'm overwhelmed this week working on my massive project I'll be presenting Friday as part of my requirements for the PA Program at SLU in front of the entire faculty and PA Program - both 2011s (me) and the 2012s.  WOOF.

Love to you all...well most of you.

-Stay Sassy, xo

My pups is cuter than your pups.

*photo removed because the link is missing*

SMILE!  She couldn't be happier to look so fashionably cute in the new summer dress her Mimi got her.  I, hands down, have the most fabulous dog in the world.  Seriously.  Two seconds with her and you will fall quickly in love with her, too.  She has the best personality, is so smart, is the best snuggler in the world and gives so many lovins.  She can dance, say "please," roll over and give high fives, to name a few.  I'm blessed to have the best companion in the entire universe.  That's right.  I said it.  Think your dog is cuter?  Doubt it.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Hey you.

It's Memorial Day weekend - thinking back to holidays past and remembering great times with friends and others.  It seems like seriously just yesterday we were partying at 45 Madison, taking over the pool and being sillies.  I'm loving being back in KC.  I feel like I haven't ever been gone and I'm actually pretty bummed I only have a week and a half left.  Not much compares to being surrounded by my fabulous friends and my "psuedo"-roomies, drinking wine on the porch and listening to Colbie Caillat, loving life.  I hope everyone is having a great holiday where ever you are and how ever you may be celebrating or enjoying yourself.  And of course, thank you to those of you who have risked your lives for our country and freedom.


This song reminded me of....ish.

-Stay Sassy, xo

WBC...ROT IN HELL

One word. D-I-S-G-U-S-T.  Everyone with a brain knows how seriously fucked up followers of Westboro Baptist Church are.  Fred Phelps and his cult are every bad name in the dictionary.  When I heard WBC was planning to protest in Joplin when President Obama visits the area, I was disgusted - as I am sure many of you were as well who have heard.  Then I saw their press release...WOW.

I honestly don't even want to include the link - don't visit it.
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People like WBC should not be allowed to procreate.  Their stupidity and ignorance is unacceptable.  How the hell do you protest a natural diaster?  Who the H-E-double-hockey sticks are these crazies?  Can't the government mysteriously make them disappear?  I promise you there will be ten times more Americans and true Christians ready to picket against them in Joplin.  How could you ever say something so horrible?  "Thank God for 125 Dead in Joplin" - seriously?  SRSLY?!  WHAT THE FLIPPIN' F*CK?!  I would love to vomit all over their faces and poop on their heads (if girls did that - they clearly do not).  See a few anti-WBC pics below I stumbled across.  And continue to pray for Joplin, MO. 

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-Stay Sassy, xo

Pray for Joplin, MO

Feeling so absolutely blessed as I snuggle with my little one and she licks the tears from my face. My heart aches for Joplin. Those whose lives were lost, those who are still missing, the furry companions missing from their owners and those found and waiting to be claimed. My stomach is in knots over and over again as I see facebook pages for missing persons.  Pages honoring those lost.  And even more frightening, facebook statuses reporting people are once again taking cover in Joplin as the tornado sirens yet again are going off.

Whatever your religion, whomever is your God.  Pray.
 ☮♥†

Adolescent minds

I love medicine.  That's been well established.  In medicine, as we go through school - especially clinical rotations, we all try to find our niche.  I think it's safe to say I haven't narrowed my interests down.  At this point I've completed four rotations.  But even before starting rotations, before going to PA school, back as far as I can remember, I've loved kids.  They're awesome.  Yes I say that knowing I do not have any children and I only have to deal with them for 20 minutes at the most at an appointment or for a few hours while babysitting.  I have an escape.  Adolescents are great.  They're so young and innocent and the world seems so simple to them.  Life is almost black and white, maybe with a few shades of gray, but not many.  This was confirmed yet again today.

The first story I've already shared via FB as my status.  I got to the office this morning and Dr. Metz had done a quick tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy (T&A) on an eight year old boy we saw in the office last week.  He asked Dr. Metz this morning where his hottie PA from St. Louis was.  I mean seriously kid?  You're eight years old and you're already hitting on women almost 3 times your age?!  I couldn't help but laugh and think to myself...oh dear, that mom is going to have it out with that horn ball!

Once again, later this afternoon the simplicity of life to a seven year old boy was confirmed.  This particular boy was also being seen for throat issues, snoring and recurrent strep throat.  We found out he had a few tonsillar stones in the past that had been dislodged.  While many of you probably have no idea what the heck I'm talking about, a tonsillar stone is a calcium deposit in your tonsils.  They frequently increase in size and sometimes pop out.  They smell absolutely HORRIBLE and can be a major cause of halitosis (bad breath).  So, making conversation with the boy I said, "You don't have to worry about that do you?  You aren't kissing girls are you?!"  He looked at me in disgust and shook his head no!  But then, he did make a point to add, "There was a girl that liked me...but I dumped her!  She was the tallest girl in the class!"  Again, I couldn't help but laugh.  If only relationships were as easy as being too tall.

Continuing on with the visit, we got in to the sequelae of untreated strep throat - rheumatic fever, rheumatic heart disease, kidney injury and kidney disease.  While these side effects of untreated strep are rare in the US due to our aggressiveness of treating strep throat, there is still a risk.  Dr. Metz mentioned the rare possibility of kidney disease and without thinking the little boy shouted out, "I don't want kidney disease!  I want to have kids some day!"  He has a lot to learn about sex ed.  But for now, we'll let that seven year old mind believe whatever it wants to believe.

-Stay Sassy, xo

In love with love, but not that in love

"She’s not the type of girl to wait by the phone, she won’t cry, she knows it’ll get her nowhere, she’ll laugh a lot and often, and she will live her own life. She would like you to be a part of it, but she will do just fine without you." [via little reminders of love]

"In life, we do things. Some, we wish we had never done and some we wish we could replay a million times. They make us who we are and, in the end, they shape and detail us. If we were to reserve them, we wouldn’t be the person we are today. So, just live. Make mistakes and have wonderful memories. But, never second guess who you are, where you’ve been and, most importantly, where you’re going." -unknown

[via] 

"The last thing he said to me was, 'By the way, you look beautiful tonight.'  I don't even remember the last time a guy called me beautiful and not hot.  To be called beautiful is so much more." -me

-Stay Sassy, xo

No time to be sassy

This is no time to be sassy...only share my thoughts, love and prayers for all of those affected by the tornado that ripped through Joplin, MO earlier this afternoon.  To some, it may just be another sad story of a natural disaster.  But to me and my community it is more.  I grew up in Pittsburg, KS which is only a quick 30 minute drive to Joplin.  Growing up in Pitt, Joplin was the next largest city we frequently traveled to for shopping as well as birthday dinners and homecoming dates.  Now, I sit in shock watching the national coverage on The Weather Channel and the local coverage on the Kansas City News.  At least 33% of the city is demolished.  So far 24 fatalities have been confirmed.  And I'm sure that's only the beginning.  My stomach is in knots.  I can't even fathom what the city will look like the next time I venture to Joplin.  Will I even recognize the city I grew up frequenting?

Photo courtesy of The New York Times.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you affected in any way, shape or form.  To those of you who have rushed over to Joplin to help any way you can, you will also be in my thoughts and prayers.  You are among some of the most compassionate human beings.  I wish I could be there to help.  Not gonna lie, I didn't believe in all of the end of the world bull shit hype, but I can't help but be a little freaked out by the timing of all of this.  My heart goes out to you all.  

☮♥†

Derrr....what the?!

Woof.  So many things have led me to scratch my head over the past few weeks and say....um...what the ____ (fill in the blank).  I'm sure some of them you've stumbled upon...but I'm sharing anyway because it's my blog and I can do what I want to.  Here are just a few...

1. Have you ever noticed when you go to the hair dresser and you tell them you want to do something totally different they look at you and say, "well what are you thinking?"  Sir or Ma'am...this is why I come to you.  You went to school for this shit, aren't you supposed to know what's in and what will or will not look good on me?  You don't go to the doctor (or your lovely PA) and tell them what your diagnosis is and what medicine to prescribe.  That's my job.  And it's your job to tell me what you think will look fabulous on me.  On a side note, I love my hair dresser.  This is just a random thought that I had recently from hair stylists in the past.

2.  While we're on the topic of beauty....an eight year old getting Botox for wrinkles?!  Seriously?!  SRSLY?!  WTF is this psychotic mother thinking?!  Child, please.  There is no way you have flipping wrinkles at eight years old.  I would put money on it that this child is going to end up anorexic and on drugs.  My biggest fear at eight years old was whether or not the boy who sat next to me in class picking his nose gave me cooties or not, not whether or not I had a wrinkle or two.  I'm the one who needs a little Botox.  Give me a break and go play in the sand box or something.  

3.  So I've done a crap load of driving over the past few months.  STL to Danville to STL to KC to Pitt to KC to Manhattan to KC.  You get the point.  Did everyone forget how to drive?  LEFT LANE FOR PASSING ONLY.  Apparently the 9,000 drivers I've encountered over the past few months can't read that street sign.  It makes me so angry when I'm cruising down the highway and I have to flippin' put on my breaks thus canceling my cruise control  because some retard driver pulls in to the lane in front of me and takes their jolly ass time.  SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT.  Please keep this in mind next time you're driving down the highway or I'm probably going to rear end your turtle bumper.

4.  Strong is the new skinny?  Ok, that's legit...I guess.  But is it just me or is this chick on the skinny side as well?  If strong is the new skinny, shouldn't the advertisement be of a woman who is maybe a little more "big boned" to make the chubbies feel better that they can bench 125 lbs?  Don't get me wrong, her body is hot.  But I'm just a little confused.  Just sayin'....

5. We've all made the mistake once or twice of showing our bra straps.  Before the multifunctional straps that can be attached and reattached 5,000 different ways, it was sometimes difficult to cover your bra straps when wearing a racer back tee or a spaghetti string shirt. And well, strapless bras straight up SUCK and I'm positive they were invented by some man who has never worn a bra in his life.  There's really no excuse these days.  So, just an FYI...I really don't want to see your PINK Vicky's bra straps even if they match your stupid dress with PINK plastered on the ass that I'm pretty sure was intended to be a nighty worn in the privacy of your own home.  It reminds me of the fad when it was "cool"(and I use that term VERY lightly) to show your g-string out of your jeans.  I hope this chick enjoyed her movie.

6.  Holy dirty dot (aka Wyandotte county).  Is this car for real?!  Stab me in the eye.  Aren't we over the vampire fad yet?!  Dear Hey-Sus.  This is just embarrassing.  Even funnier...after I snapped this pic at a stop light and passed this car shaking my head and giggling, I realized the driver...was a dude...probably Twilight Mom's 3rd baby daddy.  So you're obsessed with the Twilight Saga...that's fine...I get obsessions.  But to plaster it on your car?!  Even my most obsessed friend, Ren wouldn't be caught dead with this shit on her car.  Somethings are meant to be kept to yourself.  I guess when your child doesn't bring home honor roll bumper stickers or decals, you gotta fill the windows with something...

Phew...I feel so much better now that I've gotten all of that off my chest.

-Stay Sassy, xo

True Life: I'm Obsessed with Colin Egglesfield

Holy hell in a hand basket. Ladies, if you haven't gone out to see Something Borrowed, I suggest you do so...like NOW. Quit reading this and go. Okay, finish reading first. But seriously. I went and saw the movie last night and within the first minute of the movie I was already having very, very naughty thoughts about Dex (played by Colin Egglesfield). Seriously, where the FUDGE has this man been and why hasn't he been on my radar until now...SRSLY? Talk about mind blowing, little girl tingling GORGEOUS.

I don't want to ruin the story for those of you who haven't seen it, but let's just say if I was Rachel, Darcy never would have stood a chance with Dex.  I would have boom and done, attacked and made him mine in the stacks of the law school library the day he sat next to me in class. No questions asked. 

I attempted a little google search to find out the percentage of women who fantasize about other men while doing that one thing and I couldn't find anything.  There were tons of hits regarding men fantasizing about other women (oh weird), but none the other way around.  Whatever.  If you need some new eye candy, I suggest Colin Egglesfield.  He's sure to get you going in 2.5 seconds.  Just look in to those eyes....aghhhh...

Annnnd, on that note...I have business to take care of.  Roberto is waiting on me.  Check out the video below with the feature song from the movie entitled "Little Too Much" by Natasha Bedingfield.  AND GO SEE THE MOVIE!!!

-Stay Sassy, xo

This has gotta be the good life...

My weekend was full of pure happiness. Friday night I spent the evening with my kiddos Otto, Greta, Liesl and Gunnar. Not many things make me happier than to see their faces and their smiles. Saturday morning I had the pleasure of making the drive home to participate in the Get Busy Livin' | Dylan Meier Foundation | 5K run...which I unexpectedly placed 3rd in my age group among women and set a new personal record for myself. I then returned to KC to spend a fabulous afternoon in the sun, wearing my derby hat and hanging out with two great friends, Susannah and Dan. We then ventured to our good friend Raph's house whose brother was celebrating his graduation from UMKC School of Law. Such an amazing family. After that I ventured yet again to Bside surrounding myself by my favorites. Sunday was spent enjoying the weather with Miss Marie and reflecting on how truly blessed I am to have such a wonderful mother. How do you define happiness?

Happiness is my life. 

Happiness is a warm spring day with the sun shining down on my back.
Happiness is taking my little one on a walk and smelling fresh cut grass.
Happiness is waking up at 6:30 to start getting ready for the day, calling my doctor and him telling me I don't need to come in until 10:00.
Happiness is lying in bed for an extra hour and cuddling with my snuggle bunny, Marley.
Happiness is lying in bed listening to Pandora and discovering amazing new artists.
Happiness is being surrounded by friends and family.
Happiness is being back home surrounded by a wondrous community to remember DQM.
Happiness is seeing his family smile knowing he would be so proud.
Happiness is unexpectedly winning an award.
Happiness is being welcomed in to someone else's family and being treated as one of their own.
Happiness is seeing a mother so proud of her child.
Happiness is being back in KC.
Happiness is a wearing big derby hat.
Happiness is sitting on the deck in the sun sipping on Sangria and catching up with old friends.
Happiness is hearing the birds chirp outside my window.
Happiness is a run outside.
Happiness is seeing my kiddos and being greeted with a big hug and a kiss.
Happiness is making them laugh.
Happiness is reading them a book before bed.
Happiness is the smell of fresh, clean sheets.
Happiness is owning and loving my singleness and independence.
Happiness is looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful.
Happiness is being thankful for what God has given me.
Happiness is me being me.

This has gotta be THE GOOD LIFE.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Happy Mother's Day!

A dog is not merely a pet, a dog is family.

Well since it is Mother's Day, I guess it's only appropriate I make a special post to all you mothers out there.  No, I have no idea what it's like to have an infant stuck to my tit every 2-3 hours.  No, I don't know what it's like to carry a child for 36-40 weeks, feel like you have to pee every two seconds, have raw nipples or have hemorrhoids.  And no, I don't know what it's like to squeeze a watermelon out of a hole with a diameter of a large grape or small orange (depending on your "experience").  But I have witnessed first hand the most amazing miracle of life.  The first time I saw a baby born, I was literally in the back of the room crying tears of joy and "bearing down" so hard with every contraction like my efforts could help the soon to be mommy giving birth.

My little one and me the day I adopted her
July 2006

Little one....so tiny then!

I get it that there's nothing like a mother's love and blah blah blah I'll never know until I have a child of my own.  But let me tell you, I never in my life thought I could love another creature as much as I love my little one, Miss Marley Marie.  She is the sugar to my strawberries and the caramel to my Twix.  I may not have birthed her, but she is like my child.  I take her out every few hours, make sure she poops and pees, make sure she has food and water and baths every few weeks.  We go for walks, we play fetch, we snuggle and we take pictures.  She's the most amazing little fur ball I've ever encountered. Yes, I'm slightly biased.  

Miss Marie LOVES her Jayhawk Dress!

The day I went to get Marley was interesting.  I'd been looking in to getting another dog and had been checking the papers weekly.  I was constantly going back and forth between a puggle and some other breed with a poo in it...I can't remember if it was a Shia-poo or a Malti-poo...whatever, you get the idea.  So I see this ad in the Topeka Journal and within minutes I was on the phone with the potential breeder.  Within an hour I had persuaded my then boyfriend to come with me to pick out "our" little one.  I convinced him the kennel was only an hour or so away.  Yep, that turned in to like two hours away somewhere north of Topeka in some small, po-dunk town.  He was so pissed at me because I was soooo excited and I wouldn't stop to get gas.  The gas gauge was pushing beyond E.  

Boots wit da fur!

Once we arrived, the woman who owned the kennel went back in to her barn (she wouldn't let us go - I realize now, probably was a red flag in the dog buying world) and came back literally with a laundry basket of puppies.  Shia-poos, Malti-poos, Long Haired Chihuahuas and two Pomeranians.  I remembered from picking out my first puppy the best way to pick out a little one is to see which one will come to you.  She let all the dogs out and as I looked over the Poo breeds I decided they all had way too much Poo in them and were way too nappy and curly (sorry, not a Poodle fan).  Then my attention turned to this tiny, sable colored Pomeranian running and jumping around attacking all the other dogs trying to play.  Right then, I knew she was mine.  I handed over my $100 for my pup with the bum knee (she had a 3rd grade patella which more or less doesn't make her "perfect" according to the AKA or breedable...like I care) and we were on our way to becoming mommy and puppy.

So vain!

Life has never been the same since.  There's nothing better in my life than coming home to someone soooo excited to see you, even if it's partly due to the fact that she's about to piss herself and wants to go outside.  She gives kisses and licks my tears away when I'm sad.  She cuddles when we sleep and is the most lovable little girl EVER!  Not much compares to the bond and companionship between a dog and his/her master.  

Sleeeeepy beeeebeeees

Anyway, I realize Mother's Day means a lot more...or maybe just something different to those of you reading with new babies, toddlers, teens or grown children.  For that, Happy Mother's Day to you.  I can't even imagine those feelings, but I know one day I will and I know I'm going to be an AWESOME mother.  Not only because I've already been practicing for five years on my little one, but because I was raised by one of the most amazing, compassionate, hard working women I've EVER met.  My mom would do anything in the world for me...and I literally mean A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G.  She has set the best example for me and I can only hope to be half the mom she has been to me. 

Mama Plouv with her new little princess

Now her little princess is all grown up!
DQM Get Busy Livin' 5K
May 7, 2011

Even after years of tears, "I hate you", "You're the meanest mom in the world" and "I'll never be like you," here I am, striving to be just like you. 

 I love you, mom.

-Stay Sassy, xo

P.S. I suggest you all read one of my fellow friend's blogs today that he wrote about his mother.  It's very touching and I had tears in my eyes.  He's absolutely HILARIOUS, so check out his other writings too.  And, I inspired the name of his blog.  Check out Awkward with a Side of Ranch.