The Tale of the Napkin Boy

Have you ever been sitting at a table on the sidewalk with friends on a nice summer night enjoying drinks when all of the sudden some random person says, "Excuse me, sorry for interrupting" and slips you a napkin with his/her name on it and their phone number?  Yea - me neither - unless of course you are my girlfriend, Jen.  Because this is exactly what happened to us last Friday night (ew - I just sang that in my head like that stupid f*cking song by Katy Perry - not a fan).

So, here we are, sitting outside of Bar Louie in the CWE enjoying our cocktails with another guy from my class.  All of a sudden, random dark headed boy interrupts our conversation, drops the napkin and leaves.  Seriously?  SRSLY?  Did that just happen?  Why yes, yes it did.  We couldn't believe it.  Jen and I were awe struck.  That was one helluva ballsy move.  So as Jen sits there blushing, we continue to gush about what just happened. 

First things first, we check out the area code.  Shit.  407 - that's definitely not good ol STL.  Immediately googling it, we find out it's Orlando - which supports his handsome Latino looks.  He must be a transplant to the STL area.  I ask Jen if she's going to text him and she says, "Of course.  What do I have to lose?!"  Precisely. 

So I get a text from Jen yesterday and our conversation goes something like this:

Jen: Napkin boy lives in New York.  Typical.
Me: Bullshit.  WTF.  Why did he even give you his number then?  Did he think he could fly you up for a weekend rendezvous?
Jen: No idea...it's kind of annoying actually.  And if I am really being honest, it makes sense, STL boys would NEVER approach a girl like that, if at all.

So riddle me this - guys, why the hell would you give your number out to someone like that, get her excited and make her feel flattered if you knew there was absolutely no chance.  WTF was this dude thinking?  Did he really think he was that hot and that smooth that she would text him immediately and hook up with him while he was in town then she'd move to NYC and live happily ever after (seriously doubt the last part, only the first)?  Seriously? SRSLY?  I just don't understand the male species.  Someone please explain.

Once again, proof that guys are idiots.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Dear Readers:

I think I may be over blogging. It was fun while it lasted, but the more I think about it, the more I'm annoyed by it. Lately I've been reading far too many blogs that make me want to gag. Yes, I know I've said it before - if you don't like it, don't read it. That's precisely why I've stopped reading your blog. I'm tired of reading hypocritical posts about this and that, most of which make no sense at all. Don't say anything that might hurt someone's feelings...but then two sentences later you say something disrespectful but tell me I'm disrespectful because I said a curse word or called an obese person fat. People these days need to grow a backbone. There's something called the First Amendment for a reason. Ugh...I'm cranky. And I miss Dallas.

So thank you to those who have continued to read my blog.  I'm not going to delete it quite yet until I think about this for more than 27 minutes.  I'll keep you posted. :)

I'm going to go have a bomb pop now.  If you haven't noticed via twitter, I'm slightly obsessed these days.

-Stay Sassy, xo

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." 

— Dr. Seuss

Live from Dallas | Part II

So another couple of weeks have come and gone here in the good 'ol state of Texas.  If there was ever a moment I wished time would slow down, now might be one of those moments - only for the reason that I LOVE being in Dallas and yet again I am not looking forward to going back to St. Louis here in a few short weeks (although I absolutely can't wait to see Jen, my PA loves and float the river!!)  Working at a children's hospital has been just the experience I was hoping for.  I absolutely LOVE it, just as I thought I would.  Working in the emergency department has been the perfect mix of everything that I love - and the three 12 hour shift per week make the lifestyle pretty legit.  The only thing that would make it better right now would be to be receiving a pay check.  Working for free...and actually paying tuition to work is not cool.  Especially with the AMAZING shopping Dallas has.

Over the past several weeks I've seen a variety of things in the ED.  Some sadder than others.  I've seen fear in children's eyes relieved by a simple grip of the elbow and a twist of the forearm (Nursemaid's elbow).  I've sutured gashes so perfectly closed leaving childhood memories in the form of scars on almost every body part imaginable.  Ripped foreskin?  No problem - I'll just use Dermabond and glue that back together.  Broken arm?  I got it - I'll drug your child up, reduce the fracture, and put a cast on it...all under the close supervision of my preceptor of course...PA Fisher (also quickly becoming a great friend again).  Then there's the not so fun cases like telling a 13 year old girl she was infected with chlamydia from the first guy she ever had sex with.  And then having to report it to social work.  Thank God for social workers.  I'm pretty sure she instilled the fear of life in that child to never have sex again and gave her the guidance her mother never shared with her.  It makes me realize how truly blessed I was to have a mother who cared about me and every detail of my life SO much, even when I thought she was the meanest mom in the world.

The social scene in Dallas has continued to impress.  While I haven't been kicked out of any more bars, thankfully (as told in Part I), I have enjoyed every night I've gone out.  I'm sure a lot of it is because it's new to me.  But the people here are so friendly and every time I go out, I meet new people.  The social scene is ENDLESS.  There are so many places to go to.  And so many things to do.  Every single night.  I've been working on being a social drinker...and not a drunk.  I had dinner with two friends from Pittsburg (my home town) last week and we came to a conclusion that when you're from a small town, you never learn how to be a social drinker.  You only learn how to get wasted because there's really nothing better to do.  People in Dallas go out every night of the week.  But they don't necessarily get trashed every night of the week.  I plan to master this skill as well.

Yesterday I got my first REAL taste of a true Texas Honkey Tonk in the form of Ft. Worth, TX. Holy Texas! When I first told my uncle I was going to head to the stock yards for the Fourth of July he smirked and told me to get ready for an experience. He wasn't kidding. In terms of Dallas/Ft. Worth, he called Dallas "sophistication" and Ft. Worth "country." Now I won't go as far as to say Ft. Worth has no sophistication at all, but damn....it sure is night and day. Cowboys, Wranglers and shit kickers...with dried shit still on them. I saw a black cowboy (which apparently isn't too common) as well as an Asian Cowgirl (she was quite the two-stepper) and of course several, tattooed and toothless coming-out-of-the-cracks total W.T. wearing far too little clothing.




And on a final note - Classy With a Side of Sassy will be moving south as of December.  I've decided to make a change and a move in my life.  And there's no better time than now.  Don't get me wrong, KC - I love, love you dearly.  But I'm afraid if I move back, I'll always regret that I never gave Dallas a chance.  I'm afraid I'll get settled in to life in KC with the same circle of friends, the same bars, the same scenery and never meet anyone new.  Dating in KC hasn't been successful thus far, so I think it's time to give Dallas a chance.  I know it's going to be hard without my strong circle of friends.  But I also know, I'll meet new people in no time.  There are tons of Jayhawks down here...more than I probably realize.  And the added bonus - the medical community in Dallas is phenomenal!  PAs are in such a high demand I should have no problem finding a job.  And even better - they make bank!  It's time I face the challenge and take the plunge.  Bring it on Dallas.  I'm ready for you!

"After all, things change, so do cities.  People come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart...and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away." -SATC

-Stay sassy, xo  

Live from Dallas | Part I | Have You Missed Me?!

Week One

It's official - I'm a Texan.  And by "official" I mean only for the next 5 weeks, still with my Kansas DL, Kansas plates and an apartment sitting in St. Louis.  If you're feeling a little out of the loop - quick update - I'm dong an elective rotation at Children's Medical Center Dallas in the emergency department with my fabulous friend PA Fisher.  Last week was my "vacation week" which constitutes the only week during clinical rotation year that you get off - as in not work, not sexually.  While some of my fellow classmates spent theirs in Mexico and Florida, I spent mine moving down to Hot as Balls Dallas, TX.  My mom, Marley and I made the 7 hour trek last Tuesday in my jam packed TSX and spent the rest of the week running errands for my procrastinator Uncle - whom, bee-tee-dubs I adore...just sayin'.  Apparently men don't like to furniture shop and assume just because women love to shop, we must also love to shop for bedroom furniture...for someone else.  Wrong.  I enjoy shopping for myself and myself only...oh and for all my friends who have babies (that shit makes me teary eyed).   After two days of driving around Dallas/Plano searching for the perfect dresser, night stand and head board, he of course settled on the very first one we showed him (btw, my awesome single uncle is recently divorced from a nut job who took the guest bedroom furniture - hence the unfurnished bedroom).

So, as you probably have caught on to - you smart little cookie, you -  I am staying with my handsome and did I mention? fun and single uncle in North Dallas.  So far, so good.  We've done some grilling out and sipped on a few glasses of wine.  Even better, he let me bring Miss Marie who is adjusting rather well to the Texas heat with her butchered hair cut - no making fun.

Friday I dropped my mom off at the airport and spent the rest of the day lying by the pool working on my tan lines before heading to HH.  There, I met my first true Texan friend.  She's just precious...and I mean PRESH.  Picture Texas chick and you picture her.  Bubbly and blond.  Sarah and I were the first to arrive at the Mexican restaurant we decided to fancy for Skinny Bitch Margs and chips, salsa and guac.  All the sudden bubbly, blond Texan plops down in the booth and says, "Oh my God, y'all! It's so f*cking hot out there!"  I knew from then on we were going to be friends.  I died when I heard her Southern twang and then peed my pants a little when she said the f-word...because if you've ever had a convo with me (unless your an elder to me and I was doing my best to behave) I have quite the potty mouth at times.  We had great conversation the rest of the night - much of which I can't recall.

Then, just like that along came Saturday.  I again, woke up and plopped my ass by the pool for a little sun as I sobered up just in time to go out again.  Saturday night was spent in Uptown with a mutual friend from Kansas City who just made the big move down to Dallas.  I randomly ran in to Nathan in KC before I left and found out he was relocating.  From that moment on, it was decided we would be Kansas Partners in Crime.  And that we were.  We spent a few beers catching up on the last few years of our lives in KC.  I met him through my ex-boyfriend and you know how that goes - once you break up with the loser boyfriend, you break up with his friends too - so I hadn't seen him too much since then.

We hit up a few bars and after a few vodka drinks my sass started to come out.  Weird.  Imagine that.  We met some random guys and hung out with them for the rest of the night - mostly because we couldn't get rid of the little Cub Scout and his friends.  Cub Scout spent the entire night hitting on me.  I repeatedly thanked him for the compliments, but no thanks.  Clearly (hence the nickname), Cub Scout was a few years younger than me and I tried to explain to him that I wasn't interested in dating anyone who I potentially could have babysat as a child.

We finally made a mad dash and ditched him and hit up another bar.  I'm just going to preface this with saying, I was NOT a hot mess.  A few cocktails - yes.  Drunk as a skunk on the forth of July - no.  So as we approached the last bar, I finagled in my Marc Jacobs bag to find my ID.  I'm not sure if the door guy was more pissed that he was 20-something and still just a door guy or if he just hates Kansas.  I flashed my DL and headed in to the bar.  As I was walking in...seriously like FIVE steps, I kind of rolled my ankle - any female who wears heels - especially a short little shit like me who wears at least 3 inch heels at the very least knows how easy it is to slightly stumble SOBER.  Apparently pissed off door guy thought I was wasted out of my mind and proceeded to stop me and tell me I was done and had to leave the bar.  Seriously?  SRSLY?!  I couldn't believe him!  I wasn't even that intoxicated - clearly because I can fully recall the story. I looked at him with disgust, spit in his face and left....KIDDING.  I did nothing of the sort.  I tried to explain that I had tripped over my own feet but he was not having it.  Whatever dude.  Sorry you hate life.

So with that being said - it took me less than one week to get kicked out of a bar.  Reallllll classy.

I think this post has gone on quite a bit - maybe too much.  But considering my uncle doesn't have internet at his house, my posts will probably be few and far between while I'm in Dallas at the local Starbucks.  Keep checking back and I'll let you in on the HOTTIE Southern gents (straight out of a Vineyard Vines or Polo catalog) and a few of my stories of working nights in the Emergency Department...kids do the darndest things!

-Stay Sassy, xo

missing love.

I miss being madly in love.

"I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped." - Fritz Perls

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." -Neil Gaiman

 

"In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do."

 

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.” -Swedish Proverb

 

“You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.” -Julie de Lespinasse



“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”

-Stay Sassy, xo

Dear Bloggers - Present and Future

So this week I learned you can't post pictures of Gaga and her wardrobe malfunction or you will get reported.  Thank you to whoever reported me...but seriously...get a life.  I'm assuming it's someone who accidentally stumbled upon my blog googling pictures of "Colin Egglesfield" -  I know this because there's a little setting I can look at to see how people arrive at my website.  And aside from me posting a link on my fb page, that's how I get a majority of my other hits.  But seriously...come on...those pictures are plastered all over the flipping internet.  All you have to put in to google is "Gaga" and her nips pop up.  No one under the age of 18 should be reading my blog anyway.

The entire nation is talking about the Weiner scandal for obvious reasons yet I get slammed for talking about Gaga and her barely there attire (note to self - don't marry anyone with the last name of Weiner and go in to politics or urology - you're just asking for it).  So dumb.  Anyway - if you're thinking about being a blogger - don't post readily available almost nude pics or you will get flagged.  So, I'm sorry to my readers if you've had to click on the button that you "accept my blog may or may not be offensive" each time you come to my page.  Believe me, it's just as annoying to me as it is to you. Double woof.

Oh...and another thing you shouldn't blog about - weight.  It pisses the skinny people off when you call them skinny.  It pisses the chunky people off when you say they need to lose weight.  So I advise you not to do it - although there's an 85% chance I'll probably do it again at some point.  I have also learned it's okay if you do it about yourself.  But, you won't find me blogging or reading about skinny girls bitching about how life sucks being skinny.  I'll stick a burger in their face and tell them to shove it.  For the record, I'm not one of "those" girls - I'm just average plain Jane with a little junk in the trunk, but apparently need an inch or two more...according to my trainer.  He's smoking something funky.  I guess I should probably listen considering he's the one on magazine covers...not me.

Ok, that's enough.  My apartment is 88 degrees and I must get out before I melt like a butterball turkey....I bet you just read this and thought to yourself - that blog had no point.  I know I just did.  That's just how my mind is working today....900 miles an hour.

Happy FRIDAY!!!!

-Stay Sassy, xo

Dear KC Part II

Dear KC -

I know I left you hanging with my last post, but I had some things to finish up.  I've loved, loved, LOVED being back in Kansas City.  Being back with friends has been more than amazing and so much fun, to say the very least.  With many of you, it was like I was never gone.  We immediately picked right back up where we left off and I feel like I was never gone.  Thanks to the many welcome back drinks and shots, I think I may have gained a small percentage of my tolerance back that I seemed to have lost over the past two years in PA School.  I wish I could individually thank each and every one of you, but I know I'd inadvertently miss someone and then, boom...I'm the bad guy.  Many of you I didn't get to hang out with nearly enough and some of you I didn't even get to see.  I wish I had more time.

Now on to the lessons in love/lust I've been taught and/or reminded of.

KC, over the past 6 weeks you taught me what it means to "hang out."  Last time I checked, when you asked someone if they wanted to hang out, that meant you wanted to spend time with them, get to know them better...and maybe stay sober.  Apparently, not anymore.  I felt like I was singing another verse in that stupid Tim McGraw song, Back When.  NEWS FLASH..."Hang out" is now code for, "Hey do you want to come over so I can have sex with you?"  Total letdown.  I actually kind of liked this guy - which is actually huge for me considering I've been anti-boys for the past year - until I realized he only wanted to "hang out" the second way and not the first.  Woof.  

You also reminded me meeting love interests happens when you least expect it.  Except, even when you least expect it, timing is still everything.  I met plaid shirt guy one random Thursday night at Kona Grill.  We had been eyeing each other all night and he was yet to approach me.  A few glasses of wine later and after a pep talk from a friend, I decided to make the first move and approach him.  We had wonderful conversation and plaid shirt was really impressing me.  Until I found out he was moving to Chicago.  Bummer.  

We went out on a date anyway and it was amazing.  Complete gentleman.  Smart. Successful.  Really seemed like he had his shit together.  So we hung out a second time before he left - and by that I mean the first definition of hanging out - what I thought hanging out was...sober.  He kept saying all these sweet things to me and acted like he was totally in to me asking about my life, my career, etc.  He even shared with me how he told his boss and his boss's wife all about me (I mean I am kind of a big deal).  Plans of a trip to Chicago were spoken of leading me to believe he wanted to continue talking after he left to see what could happen.  After all, STL is closer to Chicago than KC - which he actually pointed out.  Yea, right...I almost believed it.  Since, the only time I've heard from him was when I texted him to make sure he made it to Chicago okay.  Just as I expected.  Double woof.

So KC, I guess it comes down to this.  We have a love-hate relationship with one another.  I love you for my friends and being close to my family.  I love you for the Plaza and the Falloon.  I love you for First Fridays and Sol Cantina.  I love you for Prairie Village, Mission Hills and the Zinn's.  I love you for reminding me how far I've come over the past two years. But I hate you for my love life - or lack there of.  So that leaves me with this... 

...Bring it on Dallas.  Show me the sweet southern gentleman I deserve.  I'm ready.

-Stay Sassy, xo