Dear Bloggers - Present and Future

So this week I learned you can't post pictures of Gaga and her wardrobe malfunction or you will get reported.  Thank you to whoever reported me...but seriously...get a life.  I'm assuming it's someone who accidentally stumbled upon my blog googling pictures of "Colin Egglesfield" -  I know this because there's a little setting I can look at to see how people arrive at my website.  And aside from me posting a link on my fb page, that's how I get a majority of my other hits.  But seriously...come on...those pictures are plastered all over the flipping internet.  All you have to put in to google is "Gaga" and her nips pop up.  No one under the age of 18 should be reading my blog anyway.

The entire nation is talking about the Weiner scandal for obvious reasons yet I get slammed for talking about Gaga and her barely there attire (note to self - don't marry anyone with the last name of Weiner and go in to politics or urology - you're just asking for it).  So dumb.  Anyway - if you're thinking about being a blogger - don't post readily available almost nude pics or you will get flagged.  So, I'm sorry to my readers if you've had to click on the button that you "accept my blog may or may not be offensive" each time you come to my page.  Believe me, it's just as annoying to me as it is to you. Double woof.

Oh...and another thing you shouldn't blog about - weight.  It pisses the skinny people off when you call them skinny.  It pisses the chunky people off when you say they need to lose weight.  So I advise you not to do it - although there's an 85% chance I'll probably do it again at some point.  I have also learned it's okay if you do it about yourself.  But, you won't find me blogging or reading about skinny girls bitching about how life sucks being skinny.  I'll stick a burger in their face and tell them to shove it.  For the record, I'm not one of "those" girls - I'm just average plain Jane with a little junk in the trunk, but apparently need an inch or two more...according to my trainer.  He's smoking something funky.  I guess I should probably listen considering he's the one on magazine covers...not me.

Ok, that's enough.  My apartment is 88 degrees and I must get out before I melt like a butterball turkey....I bet you just read this and thought to yourself - that blog had no point.  I know I just did.  That's just how my mind is working today....900 miles an hour.

Happy FRIDAY!!!!

-Stay Sassy, xo

Pray for Joplin, MO

Feeling so absolutely blessed as I snuggle with my little one and she licks the tears from my face. My heart aches for Joplin. Those whose lives were lost, those who are still missing, the furry companions missing from their owners and those found and waiting to be claimed. My stomach is in knots over and over again as I see facebook pages for missing persons.  Pages honoring those lost.  And even more frightening, facebook statuses reporting people are once again taking cover in Joplin as the tornado sirens yet again are going off.

Whatever your religion, whomever is your God.  Pray.
 ☮♥†

Adolescent minds

I love medicine.  That's been well established.  In medicine, as we go through school - especially clinical rotations, we all try to find our niche.  I think it's safe to say I haven't narrowed my interests down.  At this point I've completed four rotations.  But even before starting rotations, before going to PA school, back as far as I can remember, I've loved kids.  They're awesome.  Yes I say that knowing I do not have any children and I only have to deal with them for 20 minutes at the most at an appointment or for a few hours while babysitting.  I have an escape.  Adolescents are great.  They're so young and innocent and the world seems so simple to them.  Life is almost black and white, maybe with a few shades of gray, but not many.  This was confirmed yet again today.

The first story I've already shared via FB as my status.  I got to the office this morning and Dr. Metz had done a quick tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy (T&A) on an eight year old boy we saw in the office last week.  He asked Dr. Metz this morning where his hottie PA from St. Louis was.  I mean seriously kid?  You're eight years old and you're already hitting on women almost 3 times your age?!  I couldn't help but laugh and think to myself...oh dear, that mom is going to have it out with that horn ball!

Once again, later this afternoon the simplicity of life to a seven year old boy was confirmed.  This particular boy was also being seen for throat issues, snoring and recurrent strep throat.  We found out he had a few tonsillar stones in the past that had been dislodged.  While many of you probably have no idea what the heck I'm talking about, a tonsillar stone is a calcium deposit in your tonsils.  They frequently increase in size and sometimes pop out.  They smell absolutely HORRIBLE and can be a major cause of halitosis (bad breath).  So, making conversation with the boy I said, "You don't have to worry about that do you?  You aren't kissing girls are you?!"  He looked at me in disgust and shook his head no!  But then, he did make a point to add, "There was a girl that liked me...but I dumped her!  She was the tallest girl in the class!"  Again, I couldn't help but laugh.  If only relationships were as easy as being too tall.

Continuing on with the visit, we got in to the sequelae of untreated strep throat - rheumatic fever, rheumatic heart disease, kidney injury and kidney disease.  While these side effects of untreated strep are rare in the US due to our aggressiveness of treating strep throat, there is still a risk.  Dr. Metz mentioned the rare possibility of kidney disease and without thinking the little boy shouted out, "I don't want kidney disease!  I want to have kids some day!"  He has a lot to learn about sex ed.  But for now, we'll let that seven year old mind believe whatever it wants to believe.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Classy with a side of TRASHY

I spent this past weekend in Chicago with some great friends...and as promised, here's your blog Meggie.  What a weekend it was - Classy with a side of TRASHY.  Most things shouldn't even be discussed here and I'm embarrassed about 75% of my weekend.  If you were effected by my immaturity, please forgive me.  Sunday morning I woke up and had deleted all the evidence - a habit I've discussed before in an earlier blog.  Only faint memories remain of my sassy fingers and bitchy mouth.  I've been literally sick to my stomach all week with embarrassment and regret.

Friends.

After finding a great Groupon find, enjoying my first Cubs game via Wrigley Field Rooftops (which I totally recommend), unlimited beers and food, Lynds, Meggie and I spent the entire day enjoying ourselves.  Just the thought of how many "Check Ins" we took/made...vomit.  That's all I'll say.  After a VERY long night/morning, Lynds and I luckily woke up Sunday morning still friends.  But on the other hand, I woke up with at least 20 less Facebook friends and was even blocked by another - totally NOT classy, I know.  So to those of you I defriened and now am regretting...oppsies...but how can you re-friend someone after a drunken stupor?  And to the other one...blocking me...really?

So what did I learn from this weekend?  I'm an emotional mess when I drink and I should have my phone taken away from me - especially when I toss in a few Patron shots.  Oh, and I'm not 21 anymore.  Thankfully, our livers are not like our brains.  Your brain cells never regenerate - once they're gone, they're gone - if our liver cells did the same...I'd be liver dead by now.  All in all it was a great weekend with some great college girlfriends - and I had PGV to prove it. 

-Stay Sassy, xo

1,234,984 FB Friends --> RED FLAG

As of today I have 1,418 Facebook friends and believe it or not, I’d put money on it I can remember how I met 99% of the people I’m friends with. But, I’m a girl and I personally believe we have different motives for Facebook than boys do - that's something I won't even get in to.  Moreover, when I log on to Facebook, I check the day’s birthdays (when I remember) and if it’s someone I haven’t spoken to since I met them, I de-friend them. I don’t have the time or energy to go through my entire Facebook list and remove friends in one sitting. And there’s a handful I’d like to de-friend who I’m 100% sure HATED me in high school or whom I never spoke to and who have no need to know about what’s going on in my life, but I don’t want to be a bitch.  So that's what I do. 

Happy Birthday. Unfriend. 

Now, what does this have to do with anything? Well, let me share with you what I’ve been thinking about over the past week. The other night when I was at the Royal Donut here in DanVegas, I was gchatting with one of my besties from KC and catching up. She was telling me all about the new boy she met and how gorgeous he was, blah blah blah – girl talk. Logically, she told me his name so I could fb stalk him. So I did. And yes, I was able to confirm that he was in fact very attractive. That led me to ponder this. Next step – check out his friend list. And that’s when it hit me. She asked me what I thought. And I told her, including the red flag. TWO THOUSAND AND FORTY SIX Facebook friends. Damn.

So I propose this hypothesis. If a guy has more than one thousand Facebook friends, then he is more likely to be a womanizer or player.*  I realize this is not a true scientific experiment, but just go with it.

* College and/or professional athletes do not count because everyone friends them for no apparent reason.

 
"Womanizer: guy who makes zillions of women think he is in love with them and that he is the best guy in the universe but never know he is making 12774763836543 other women think that too." -Urban Dictionary

"Player: a guy who: (1) doesn't understand the meaning of 'relationship'; (2) is in full reproductive mode; (3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts); (4) often "dates" several girls at several schools (girls are often unaware of each other); (5) is an asshole!" - Urban Dictionary

In attempt to prove my hypothesis, I further investigated my Facebook friends and examined the profiles of a few of the guys I could think of off the top of my head who fit this description.  Those descriptors -  likes to party, known to hook up with a lot of chicks (past or present), hot, acts younger than their age etcetera, etcetera.  And there it was - the proof I was looking for.

I’m not going to call anyone out. I’m pretty sure they know who they are without me stating the obvious. But if you don’t believe me, take a look at your friend list. Think of 5-10 guys you know either first hand or through the grapevine that are known for serial dating and/or frequently hooking up with dimes and trolls (you’re the dime, love – clearly). I thought of 10 guys I know though the letter “F” before I quickly got tired of hastily browsing through my fb friends. And just as I suspected. Eight out of ten had more than 1,000 friends with the other two coming in close in the 900s. Moreover, nine of their profile pictures didn’t help their case the slightest. 

For the record, I realize I may be totally off and some of you guys out there with more than 1,000 friends may be happily in a relationship or married. But I bet most of you were known around the Hawk or your respective college bar for one reason or another. 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Maybe even a thousand or more Facebook friends as well.

-Stay Sassy, xo 

Living in a Facebook World

Holy shit.  What has Facebook done to our society?!  Apparently I missed this commercial during the Super Bowl or I most definitely would have been blogging about it sooner.  I saw this commercial last night while watching the Grammys.  My first few thoughts - did that seriously just happen?  Is this seriously the next big thing?  Am I really going to be choosing this amenity on my next car? Yes, yes, and yes.

The obvious response to this commercial - if you can't wait until you get home to check your Facebook, you have serious issues.  But honestly, I think this is pretty sweet.  Not only have I been guilty of texting while driving (bad dog) but I have also Facebooked while driving (bad, bad dog).  The other problem with this commercial...that chick must have SPRINTED to her computer after he dropped her off to write on his wall.  Or maybe she did it while he was driving.  I don't know, but she is making this way to easy for him.  At least make him wait and wonder how it was for a day or two.  Everyone knows boys love the chase and if you give them the goods too soon they're over you like last months Playboy.  By the way...doesn't she know the rules of dating?  In my rule book you will never pick me up on a first date.  No way in hell is some guy I barely know going to know where I live.  Too many creepies out there...I know this from personal experiences.  I will meet you there and I will go home alone.  And I probably won't talk to you again.  Duh.

Either way, my car reading me my latest Facebook posts is pretty legit in my book.  Facebook isn't going anywhere anytime soon so might as well get used to this ridiculousness.  Oh...and if my car can read my Facebook status, could you please also have my car read my text messages and reply as well? Please and thanks.  Or has that already been invented, too?

-Stay Sassy, xo

P.S.  HAPPY FRICKIN VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU. 
If you're looking for my Valentine's Day blog - check it out here...I posted a few days prematurely.

FU VDAY

Let me take this moment to be a bitter single bitch this Valentine's Day season.  Most days I can handle being alone.  Most days I actually enjoy being single.  I have no one to answer to.  I don't have to confirm my weekend plans with anyone except those I'm spending the evening with.  It's great.  But Valentine's Day...that's another story.  Someone told me to just not think about it (clearly a dude).  Okay...right.  It must be that simple. 

Not think about it?  How are you supposed to not think about it when walking through the grocery store you are surrounded by gushy "I Love You" balloons, cards, candy and all those dumb stuffed animals?  ***see ADDENDUM below***

Avoid the grocery store?  Okay.

Then there's the radio.  Every radio station is talking about what to get your Valentine this year.  All the latest polls with all the latest fads.  Then of course the ads...oh the ads.  Get your Valentine roses from here, pre-order from there.  Make reservations here. 

Turn off the radio?  Okay.

Oh...side note...by the way -  if you're interested...White Castle will lay down table cloths and put flowers on the table for you this Valentine's Day.  Seriously.  I heard it on the radio.  Reallll classy.  If my imaginary boyfriend took me to White Castle for slingers on V-day I would break up with him on the spot.  Probably after I slapped him across the face and called him a few inappropriate names that I won't say because my mother might read this.

Make your reservations here.

And then there's Facebook. Ohhh Facebook.  I can't tell you how many times I've stumbled across post this as your status if you have a man that you love and blah blah blah...BULLSHIT!  Change your profile picture to you and the person you love to show them how special they are to you.  Okay!  Is it appropriate for me to post a picture of Hiroshima?  I think not.

Get off Facebook?  Yea right.

So all you love birds out there, enjoy your Valentine's Day with your sweet heart(s).  And ladies - please, please, please post pictures of the flowers he sent you, the diamonds he gave you and whatever else so that all of us singles can be reminded that we didn't get shit.  Just remember though, as stated above,  my Valentine runs on batteries...therefore when your Valentine "goes" for the last time...mine will keep going...and going...and going...and going...

-Stay Sassy, xo


ADDENDUM:
So I just ran to Walgreens to get stamps to send a few Valentine's Day cards (see, I'm not totally bitter) and much to my surprise...I immediately laughed to myself when I walked through the door  at the irony of the situation.  There was no way I could pass this up.  I went back to my car to grab my phone to snag a few photos like a Chinese tourist.


EXHIBIT A:

EXHIBIT B:

Now you try to ignore that...

10,000 Thanks

Thank You for double clicking your mouse!

(on my blog link...duh)

It's been three months almost to the day since I started this whole blog thing.  As of today I reached 10,000 hits therefore this post is a THANK YOU!  I remember when I couldn't wait for the ticker to reach 1,000!  So thank you to each of you who officially "follow" my blog and those of you who read my blog.  As I said in the beginning, I didn't really know what my purpose was...and well I still really don't.  I just know that I love writing in my free time, I love being a jokester, I love making people laugh and I LOVE BEING SASSY!  Also, I especially love it when I receive comments and messages from YOU, the readers telling me how much you enjoy reading my blogs.  At the end of the day, knowing I made you smile or laugh totally brightens my day.  So a BIGGER thanks to those of you who have personally messaged me and personally approached me in public.  You're the best!  

10,000 Clicks from all over the World!

It's been a bit bumpy along the way and I cannot thank those of you enough who stood up for me and left encouraging comments when others were not being so encouraging and down right mean.  Please keep the comments and/or suggestions coming!!!

I cannot promise any time frame on how long I'll continue to blog, but for right now it works.  So I hope you all continue to read my blog and leave your comments either here or on Facebook. That's all for now...here's to another 10,000 clicks!

-Stay Sassy, xo

Hey grl - Gr8 2 C U last nite. U want 2 go on a D8 this wk? Lol :)

I sometimes wonder what life would be like without texting.  Over the past few years I have become more and more resentful to talking on the phone.  It used to be I would really only talk to one person on the phone...my mom.  Talking to her daily was too much for me.  I found myself annoyed when the phone rang and instead of being grateful she cared so much, I was bothered that she was calling me yet again to ask me one question.  I was so relieved when she finally learned how to text.  Now she can send me a text every time she thinks of me and I can respond when I have time.  Instead of me feeling annoyed every time she calls, I feel less stress to communicate with her.  

I do realize sometimes people just want to communicate and actually talk to one another, but I am not one of those people.  I love catching up with my friends when I actually do sit down and make myself do it, but up until that point, I honestly dread it.  Shooting a quick text message is so much easier for me to do while I study or am occupied by other things.  I can quickly respond to someone's question or simple hello and get back to studying in between texts.  I simply find it easier.

What really blows my mind is how the heck people dated not only before text messaging, but before cell phones.  First off, let me preface this. I am by NO MEANS attacking any guys whom I have "dated" in the past.  But honestly, I cannot remember ever being asked out on a date by a guy over the phone or in person.  But I'm not necessarily complaining either.  Some people think that it is absolutely ridiculous and a guy should never ask a girl out via text message.  Honestly, I don't really mind it.  If I want to go, you'll know it.  And if I don't...well it makes it a whole helleva lot easier for me to turn you down by simply not responding, or fabricating some lie like I have to wash my hair.  

I spent this past NYE with one of my most favorite married couples in Kansas City. They are in their mid-30s and I couldn't get enough of their stories about dating in college.  If you wanted to hook up after bar close, you had to actually call the lucky mate's land line.  Who even has land lines anymore?  Even better in her story, when a guy would call, he had to specify which of her roommates he was looking for, because there were two with the same name!  I can't even imagine receiving a booty call via land line. Or being asked on a date via land line for that matter!   If you didn't physically exchange numbers on a piece of paper or something, you most likely wouldn't be following up the next week.  There was no Facebook to go home to and stalk to try to find him/her so you could friend one another.  That was it.  If you didn't exchange numbers, you blew your chance.  If you were lucky enough to make it home without losing the number, the drunk gods were looking over you.

A world without cell phones blows my mind but I won't be turning my back on texting, sexting or digi-dating anytime soon!  After all, nobody really wants to hurt anyone's feelings here.  And it's honestly a win-win situation.  I don't feel as bad telling you no, and you don't feel as pathetic being turned down face-to-face.  TXT YA L8R!

-Stay Sassy, xo

To Catch a Predator: Facebook Style

EXHIBIT A: THE RANDOM FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST

The answer to your question is yes. Yes, Mark, I am scared to be your "friend."  Because I have no idea on Earth who the hell you are.  We have ZERO friends in common.  You live no where near me.  And the fact you noticed after at least three months that I still haven't accepted your friendship creeps me out even more.  You even have the balls to inquire why your request is still pending.  So no, I'm sorry, we will not be Facebook friends anytime soon.  You are the reason I have my profile set to private, removed my last name, and the most personal information you can obtain about me are my favorite quotations. 

EXHIBIT B:  THE GUY WHO CLAIMS TO BE FROM YOUR HOME TOWN WHO YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF & SENDS YOU A MESSAGE

First off, Aaron, that's really sweet of you to send such a nice message to me based solely off my profile picture.  I'm flattered.  Really.  Just an FYI, I went to Kansas.  Therefore, I have a slight hatred for the K-State Wildcats.  Also, being a Chiefs fan, I'm a Raider Hater.  Sadly, I won't be friending you.  Not only because messages like this give me the heeby-jeebies and leave me wondering how often you send messages like this and/or touch yourself inappropriately while Facebook stalking....but also because you've now de-activated your Facebook account which also worries me.  I will not be sharing anything about myself with you nor do I have any other questions about who you are.  I hope you didn't do anything stupid waiting for friendship requests from all the cute girls you send messages like this to.  Oh, and btw...double smile faces from a guy...ehhh...no bueno. 

EXHIBIT C: THE SARCASTIC ATTEMPT TO CASUALLY CREEP

Jon, you seriously take the cake for being the absolute biggest creep I've ever encountered on Facebook.  If there were a prize for being a Facebook Stalker, you'd win the equivalent of the Publishers Clearing House Mega-Jackpot.  Not only is this message ridiculously fabricated, if you would have taken a second to stalk a little harder beyond my profile picture, you would have noticed that I am a graduate student at SLU (a private school).  So, if you'd like to split half of the money I don't have...you can take and repay half of my student loans -  about $35,000 give or take a couple grand.  I'm totally cool with that.  I hope you never thought of me again after sending this disturbing message.  Next time you decide to approach a girl like this, I suggest you think twice...and instead of closing your eyes and hitting send...save your dignity and click the cancel button.

-Stay Sassy, xo

With All Do Facebook Respect

It's clearly known the virtual world has changed our lives.  It's hard to remember what life was like before the internet.  My family didn't get a computer until I was in middle school but I remember as a gradeschooler going over to my best friend Kelsey's house and playing games on her computer for HOURS!  We didn't put in a CD-ROM, we didn't go to some website like MSN and play Bejeweled...we typed in a MS-DOS command that lead to our favorite game.  From high school, I remember the days of ICQ chats until 3 in the morning, specifically with my secret friend Liz.  We would talk for hours about who knows what.  I still know my ICQ account number - 20802802.  ICQ was quickly replaced by MSN instant messaging and then in college I replaced that with AOL.  My roommates and I would chat with each other from our bedrooms, too lazy and/or hung over to get up and verbally speak.

Then came Facebook.  I can seriously remember the day I signed up for Facebook.  We were sophomores and living at High Pointe.  My roommate Kelly called me in to her room and told me all about it.  She had just signed up and gotten her account.  Facebook was reserved for college students only - you could only sign up using your college email address.  Most of my friends from home couldn't even have an account yet because Pitt State wasn't one of the universities it supported.  I can guarantee Kelly was my first Facebook friend, probably my first wall post and possibly my first "poke."  

Speaking of pokes - I remember when that was the coolest thing you could do on Facebook.  What the hell is a "poke" anyway - it sounds dirty to me.  Before the days of uploading and tagging photos, Facebook chat or the "Like" button, it was just another way to send drunk messages.  Now, you can almost do anything on Facebook.  Post your latest status, check in at your most recent location, upload pictures from last night...whatever.  But how far is too far?  I know there are tons of other blogs/artitcles out there about "Facebook Etiquette" so I'm not going to waste my time going in to that (this is one of my favorite bloggers - and here's her take on FB Etiquette).  I have only one complaint today.  I know it's fun and exciting when something new happens in your life and you can't wait to share with the Facebook world and all your pseudo-friends (you know, the ones who HATED you in high school or haven't talked to you since you were in the 6th grade).  I actually do enjoy catching up/stalking people's lives through their pictures posted and relationship status changes.  It's cute to see new couples becoming "Facebook Official" and then advancing to engaged and married.  

Yes, I want to see pictures of your new engagement ring so I can gawk over the size of it or affirm it's not big enough for me.  Yes, I want to see your engagement pictures and how happy in love you look.  Yes, I want to see your wedding pictures since I clearly wasn't invited to the party because we're clearly Facebook pseudo-friends only.  And yes, I will tell you congrats on all of the above.  But when baby time comes around...PLEASE DO NOT POST A PICTURE OF YOUR F*CKING PREGGO TEST!  Announcing you are pregnant is enough.  But I DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT need to see the damn EPT stick saturated with your urine that confirms you're expecting.  I can't even remember who it was who did this - and if you're reading this and it was you..I'm sorry.  But that's just SICK.  I get that you're excited and happy your family is expecting, but please keep the urine stick to yourself.  A simple status update will do.  I'll tell you congrats and follow the progress of your baby bump you document weekly - that's cute.  Baby bumps are adorable.  Sonograms are exciting.  4D sonos are creepy.  But it should stop there. 

When your baby finally arrives, I'll look at all the pictures.  Even the disgusting ones you post right after he/she has been pulled out of your vagina covered in vernix.  Even that's too much in my opinion.  I do not need to see any of your bodily fluids no mater what orifice they come from.  Nonetheless, congrats on your newest addition and I promise you, when I get knocked up, if Facebook even still exists, you won't see pictures of my EPT stick or my child covered in cottage cheese.

-Stay Sassy, xo