The Tale of the Napkin Boy

Have you ever been sitting at a table on the sidewalk with friends on a nice summer night enjoying drinks when all of the sudden some random person says, "Excuse me, sorry for interrupting" and slips you a napkin with his/her name on it and their phone number?  Yea - me neither - unless of course you are my girlfriend, Jen.  Because this is exactly what happened to us last Friday night (ew - I just sang that in my head like that stupid f*cking song by Katy Perry - not a fan).

So, here we are, sitting outside of Bar Louie in the CWE enjoying our cocktails with another guy from my class.  All of a sudden, random dark headed boy interrupts our conversation, drops the napkin and leaves.  Seriously?  SRSLY?  Did that just happen?  Why yes, yes it did.  We couldn't believe it.  Jen and I were awe struck.  That was one helluva ballsy move.  So as Jen sits there blushing, we continue to gush about what just happened. 

First things first, we check out the area code.  Shit.  407 - that's definitely not good ol STL.  Immediately googling it, we find out it's Orlando - which supports his handsome Latino looks.  He must be a transplant to the STL area.  I ask Jen if she's going to text him and she says, "Of course.  What do I have to lose?!"  Precisely. 

So I get a text from Jen yesterday and our conversation goes something like this:

Jen: Napkin boy lives in New York.  Typical.
Me: Bullshit.  WTF.  Why did he even give you his number then?  Did he think he could fly you up for a weekend rendezvous?
Jen: No idea...it's kind of annoying actually.  And if I am really being honest, it makes sense, STL boys would NEVER approach a girl like that, if at all.

So riddle me this - guys, why the hell would you give your number out to someone like that, get her excited and make her feel flattered if you knew there was absolutely no chance.  WTF was this dude thinking?  Did he really think he was that hot and that smooth that she would text him immediately and hook up with him while he was in town then she'd move to NYC and live happily ever after (seriously doubt the last part, only the first)?  Seriously? SRSLY?  I just don't understand the male species.  Someone please explain.

Once again, proof that guys are idiots.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Live from Dallas | Part II

So another couple of weeks have come and gone here in the good 'ol state of Texas.  If there was ever a moment I wished time would slow down, now might be one of those moments - only for the reason that I LOVE being in Dallas and yet again I am not looking forward to going back to St. Louis here in a few short weeks (although I absolutely can't wait to see Jen, my PA loves and float the river!!)  Working at a children's hospital has been just the experience I was hoping for.  I absolutely LOVE it, just as I thought I would.  Working in the emergency department has been the perfect mix of everything that I love - and the three 12 hour shift per week make the lifestyle pretty legit.  The only thing that would make it better right now would be to be receiving a pay check.  Working for free...and actually paying tuition to work is not cool.  Especially with the AMAZING shopping Dallas has.

Over the past several weeks I've seen a variety of things in the ED.  Some sadder than others.  I've seen fear in children's eyes relieved by a simple grip of the elbow and a twist of the forearm (Nursemaid's elbow).  I've sutured gashes so perfectly closed leaving childhood memories in the form of scars on almost every body part imaginable.  Ripped foreskin?  No problem - I'll just use Dermabond and glue that back together.  Broken arm?  I got it - I'll drug your child up, reduce the fracture, and put a cast on it...all under the close supervision of my preceptor of course...PA Fisher (also quickly becoming a great friend again).  Then there's the not so fun cases like telling a 13 year old girl she was infected with chlamydia from the first guy she ever had sex with.  And then having to report it to social work.  Thank God for social workers.  I'm pretty sure she instilled the fear of life in that child to never have sex again and gave her the guidance her mother never shared with her.  It makes me realize how truly blessed I was to have a mother who cared about me and every detail of my life SO much, even when I thought she was the meanest mom in the world.

The social scene in Dallas has continued to impress.  While I haven't been kicked out of any more bars, thankfully (as told in Part I), I have enjoyed every night I've gone out.  I'm sure a lot of it is because it's new to me.  But the people here are so friendly and every time I go out, I meet new people.  The social scene is ENDLESS.  There are so many places to go to.  And so many things to do.  Every single night.  I've been working on being a social drinker...and not a drunk.  I had dinner with two friends from Pittsburg (my home town) last week and we came to a conclusion that when you're from a small town, you never learn how to be a social drinker.  You only learn how to get wasted because there's really nothing better to do.  People in Dallas go out every night of the week.  But they don't necessarily get trashed every night of the week.  I plan to master this skill as well.

Yesterday I got my first REAL taste of a true Texas Honkey Tonk in the form of Ft. Worth, TX. Holy Texas! When I first told my uncle I was going to head to the stock yards for the Fourth of July he smirked and told me to get ready for an experience. He wasn't kidding. In terms of Dallas/Ft. Worth, he called Dallas "sophistication" and Ft. Worth "country." Now I won't go as far as to say Ft. Worth has no sophistication at all, but damn....it sure is night and day. Cowboys, Wranglers and shit kickers...with dried shit still on them. I saw a black cowboy (which apparently isn't too common) as well as an Asian Cowgirl (she was quite the two-stepper) and of course several, tattooed and toothless coming-out-of-the-cracks total W.T. wearing far too little clothing.




And on a final note - Classy With a Side of Sassy will be moving south as of December.  I've decided to make a change and a move in my life.  And there's no better time than now.  Don't get me wrong, KC - I love, love you dearly.  But I'm afraid if I move back, I'll always regret that I never gave Dallas a chance.  I'm afraid I'll get settled in to life in KC with the same circle of friends, the same bars, the same scenery and never meet anyone new.  Dating in KC hasn't been successful thus far, so I think it's time to give Dallas a chance.  I know it's going to be hard without my strong circle of friends.  But I also know, I'll meet new people in no time.  There are tons of Jayhawks down here...more than I probably realize.  And the added bonus - the medical community in Dallas is phenomenal!  PAs are in such a high demand I should have no problem finding a job.  And even better - they make bank!  It's time I face the challenge and take the plunge.  Bring it on Dallas.  I'm ready for you!

"After all, things change, so do cities.  People come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart...and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away." -SATC

-Stay sassy, xo  

Mastering THE HULK

Today boys..uh-hem...I mean, men...we are going to discuss the art of mastering what my friend Jen and I like to call, "The Hulk."  It is a move all men should know about, learn and practice religiously.  

 

Image courtsey of this site.

Aren't sure what "The Hulk" is?  Don't fret.  You may have also heard names or phrases  including, but not limited to, the "holy shit that was rediculously hot" move, the "wrap the arm around her and flip her on her back so she feels like a feather" move or simply put, the "tossing a girl in bed" move.



Now, listen vurrrrrry closely.  Women like to feel beautiful, even in our most exposed moments...including in bed.  We like feeling skinny and nothing makes us feel tinier than when you're mid-nook and your guy wraps his arm around your waist, flips you over with the strength of body builder, but then lies you down ever so gently like a delecate flower.  The Hulk.  The move alone will get your girl all excited.  She'll feel sexy and light as a feather - the two best feelings in the world...next to...you know, what that move will probably lead to.  

So, keeping it short and sweet - learn it, know it, practice it and master it.  I suggest you hit the gym and work on those bicep muscles so when you actually try The Hulk, you don't fumble and fail miserably.  If you plop her down on the bed, most likely she's going to feel like a fat cow.  And that, my friends, is no bueno.  It may not ruin the moment completely, but it will definitely put a damper on her arousal.  Plus, we get tired too.  And no girl likes a DFF....just sayin'

-Stay Sassy, xo