REJECTION...one of the worst feelings in the world. We've all be there. At some point in your life I can almost assure you've felt rejected. Additionally, I can also bet every one of us has either been broken up with or has been a heart breaker. Either way, it's usually never easy. We all have different levels of "experience." Me...well I'm what they call a "love-aholic." Since the age of 16ish, I've almost continuously been in a relationship with a guy at some point - if we weren't "officially" together, we might as well have been. BUT...I am proud to say I have now been officially single for almost 7 months and I am loving it...for the most part. Meeting new guys and dating has been very exciting, fun and interesting, to say the least!
Back to the point of this blog...ladies...you must admit, we can all be crazy. And if you can't admit that...well then you're lying to yourself. Going through a break up sucks, especially if you're the one being rejected (ugh, I hate that word).
So you've just been broken up with. You're miserable. What's next? A google search of course..."How to get over an ex" returns 106,000,000 results (0.18 seconds). I mean, seriously? You're emotional...the last thing you want to do is forgive your ex and move on. Well here's what NOT to do (well unless of course you want him to think you're crazy)...and yes...I will go ahead and admit over the course of my "dating life" I have done each...prospective men in my life...watch out.
1. Text him. So this is the most obvious. You broke up. So stop communicating. Yea...easier said than done. Resist sending him the I miss you text, the You must be missing me text, the Thinking about you text. And when he doesn't respond - for obvious reasons - don't then call him and cry to him about how miserable your life is without him. Also, if you're in to it...resist sexting and sending nudes...even if it gets you a positive response. You'll end up feeling worse about yourself...trust. Instead - delete his number. And if you're really lucky, you won't have it memorized. And if you do...well you better have a better plan than I do.
2. Force a mutual male friend to text him to tell him how hot you look. The situation: he's not out or he's out of town so you devise a fabulous plan. You don't want to text him because you're avoiding number one (See above) but you think it's a fabulous idea to have your friend text him for you! Let's face it. We know you look hot, but avoid trying to make him jealous. You'll only feel good about yourself for a few hours...and you risk looking crazy to your mutual friend (who secretly probably already thinks you're a nut job).
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3. Go to his favorite bar with a group of guys hoping he'll see you. Again, you obviously look super hot - just in case you might bump in to him. You go with a group of guys and bat your eyes at them all. Even if you don't see him, you're guaranteed to see one or several of his frat brothers who can pass on the word they saw you...with a group of guys...and of course you looked so hot. Just as you had planned. You're hoping the next day he'll call you and ask you about it, admit to making a huge mistake, then beg you to get back with him clearly so you don't start dating one of the new guys all his friends saw you with. News flash: NOT gonna happen.
4. Refuse to give back his favorite shorts he left at your house, his boxers or his high school baseball tee. I know what you're thinking...right after the break up you're trying to keep any attachment to him you can. As you're cleaning out his drawer or gathering all his crap he's left at your place over the past 3 years you decide to keep that one thing you love sleeping in. When you make the dreaded exchange, he asks you where his favorite blue shorts are...you say, too bad...they're mine. At this point, he's through dealing with you and let's you keep the damn things. Instead: burn them. Start a fire and burn the shorts, the boxers, and the tee and roast a marshmallow while you're at it and make a smore.
5. Take your dog on a walk in his neighborhood. Even if "his neighborhood" is technically also "your neighborhood" or a few blocks over, don't go on walks hoping he just might see you, stop and say hello, then realize what a big mistake he made and beg you to get back with him. It's not going to happen. And if he does see you, he's going to think you're stalking him. No bueno. (Thank God he never saw me, or at least I don't think he did).
6. Drive to his house, sleep in his bed, puke in his bathroom. This is particularly crazy when you arrive only to find he isn't home. But because you were together so long, you know the code to the house or know where the spare key is - so you decide to "surprise him" and make yourself at home...he should be home shortly, right? The bars just closed. WRONG. This is even more embarrassing when he won't answer your phone calls or texts, he never shows up and you wake up thinking "WTF did I do?" So you sneak out of the house before sunrise only to be later informed while you were there you puked in his bathroom and left it. The most important point of this all, no matter how crazy you are trying to look...don't drive after drinking (thank God I got lucky).
7. Send him messages with links to tragic country love songs. This should be particularly avoided when each week you "come across" a "new" song that reminds you of him and/or your relationship and send a new one to him...every week. It's even worse when you know he doesn't even like country. Although you think it's cute and you think maybe it will spark something...it won't. He isn't going to respond and tell you the song brought back memories and now he thinks you should get back together. So save yourself the sappy song and let down...what guy truly likes love songs anyway?
8. Stalk his fb profile. While you can get away with excessive stalking in the privacy of your own home, you cannot get away with making obscene posts and status updates...especially after a few Jack Daniels cocktails. You'll only look crazy the next day and feel like an ass. Additionally, once you refrain from the posts, avoid freaking out over who the latest broad is that writes on his wall and don't text him asking who the f*ck she is - because he'll lie anyway and say she's just a friend. Instead: defriend him! Unless of course you have it all together and can look at his profile without even the slightest bit of jealousy. Good luck with that one...you're one step ahead of me!
9. Break in to his email. Although you're positive you'll find exactly what you're looking for...it's probably not the best idea in the world. I will admit I have been successful in the past...and I did find exactly what I was looking for...it wasn't pretty. Now, not only do you look like a complete psychopath, but you also have most likely lost his trust. Even more embarrassing...when the attempt doesn't work. He falls asleep...you sneak out of bed...but this time he actually logged out of his account...you attempt to get in anyway...no luck. The next day he asks you why he got an email stating someone was trying to change his password...BUSTED. Instead: if you suspect something, it's probably true. Go with your gut. Especially if the guy is in his early 20s...most likely he is hiding something because he's immature and thinks he can play you because he's gotten away with it in the past.
10. Make a stupid picture with a quote. Enough said. Just don't do it. You'll spend too much time doing it and he'll probably just delete it. No matter how creative you think you are, it won't change his mind.
11. Blog about him. He's sure to think you're a complete nutso. Do it anyway.
-Stay Sassy, xo
P.S. Thank you to all my exes who shall remain unnamed who've allowed me to look like a crazy bitch over the years.
