Dear KC Part I

Dear KC -

Thank you for ALMOST restoring my faith in relationships, men...and I dare I say it...l-l-l-l...nope can't do it.  For about 10 days I almost thought I'd met a few decent chaps...turns out their crap like the rest of them.  Sorry boys.

Proof and stories still to come.  I'm overwhelmed this week working on my massive project I'll be presenting Friday as part of my requirements for the PA Program at SLU in front of the entire faculty and PA Program - both 2011s (me) and the 2012s.  WOOF.

Love to you all...well most of you.

-Stay Sassy, xo

In love with love, but not that in love

"She’s not the type of girl to wait by the phone, she won’t cry, she knows it’ll get her nowhere, she’ll laugh a lot and often, and she will live her own life. She would like you to be a part of it, but she will do just fine without you." [via little reminders of love]

"In life, we do things. Some, we wish we had never done and some we wish we could replay a million times. They make us who we are and, in the end, they shape and detail us. If we were to reserve them, we wouldn’t be the person we are today. So, just live. Make mistakes and have wonderful memories. But, never second guess who you are, where you’ve been and, most importantly, where you’re going." -unknown

[via] 

"The last thing he said to me was, 'By the way, you look beautiful tonight.'  I don't even remember the last time a guy called me beautiful and not hot.  To be called beautiful is so much more." -me

-Stay Sassy, xo

Time Well Wasted

Sometimes, there are things in life that are harder to deal with than others.  There's death, which I might as well be an expert at dealing with by now (considering I've lost a dozen friends my age and all of my grandparents), and then there's life.  This blog isn't my normal sassy, who can I piss off or who have I already pissed off type of blog...it's me being me and needing to breathe.  You might be reading this saying, "why does she have to share it with everyone - why can't she just journal and keep it to herself?"  I'll tell you why, because if I can share my feelings and touch one person's life who is going through a rough time, then my goal is achieved.  I'm a nuturer by nature.

"The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.” 

I used to think breaking up with people was as hard as being broken up with.  Well, that was before I had actually been broken up with...for good.  In my past relationships, i.e. those ones I cared the most about, when it came to the final straw, I was the one pulling the plug.  It went the same way each and every time.  I get broken up with, we get back together, then I make the final decision - it's done.  One of the hardest things ever for me to do was to tell someone who I loved dearly and cared so much about that there was someone else.  I'll never forget that day and my heart still aches for causing him so much pain.

Even harder was the day I was told by that someone else "we're never getting back together."  Stab in the heart.  Gasping for air.  I don't get to talk about my feelings that often because I'm always being the "strong one" giving all the "screw that guy" advice.  But in reality, I struggle taking my own advice.  Luckily, I still have one of the most amazing friends in the world who listens to me each and every time, even though she's probably biting her tongue in misery that I'm bringing him up again.  I know I'm not the only one going through heartaches and I know there are people in the world who are suffering much more than me.  I know I'm not innocent or perfect, but I'm human and I have feelings.  So if you're feeling what I'm feeling, I'd like to share some comforting words with you that she shared with me,

Eventually it will get better and one day you will forget when his birthday is and when your anniversaries were and things will stop reminding you of him.  The end of a relationship is like a death in the family.  It can be super painful and unfortunately you can't just wake up one morning and be okay.  It takes time.

The funny thing about life is how strange it works.  Today alone on two different occasions I've been told how lucky the man in my life must be.  After I tell them there isn't one they look at me like I'm lying through my teeth.  One man offered to set me up with his son.  The other asked me if he could take me out.  Each time I smile and politely say thank you, but no thanks - I'm done with dating right now and focusing on school and myself.  It's flattering and upsetting at the same time.  Granted, this is in Danville and there isn't that great of a selection.  But there's always that feeling of why do these strangers see me in that type of light, yet the one I want to see me like that doesn't?  I'm starting to realize how true the words are, "If you love somebody, let them go.  If they return, they were always yours.  If they don't, they never were."

-Stay Sassy, xo

1,234,984 FB Friends --> RED FLAG

As of today I have 1,418 Facebook friends and believe it or not, I’d put money on it I can remember how I met 99% of the people I’m friends with. But, I’m a girl and I personally believe we have different motives for Facebook than boys do - that's something I won't even get in to.  Moreover, when I log on to Facebook, I check the day’s birthdays (when I remember) and if it’s someone I haven’t spoken to since I met them, I de-friend them. I don’t have the time or energy to go through my entire Facebook list and remove friends in one sitting. And there’s a handful I’d like to de-friend who I’m 100% sure HATED me in high school or whom I never spoke to and who have no need to know about what’s going on in my life, but I don’t want to be a bitch.  So that's what I do. 

Happy Birthday. Unfriend. 

Now, what does this have to do with anything? Well, let me share with you what I’ve been thinking about over the past week. The other night when I was at the Royal Donut here in DanVegas, I was gchatting with one of my besties from KC and catching up. She was telling me all about the new boy she met and how gorgeous he was, blah blah blah – girl talk. Logically, she told me his name so I could fb stalk him. So I did. And yes, I was able to confirm that he was in fact very attractive. That led me to ponder this. Next step – check out his friend list. And that’s when it hit me. She asked me what I thought. And I told her, including the red flag. TWO THOUSAND AND FORTY SIX Facebook friends. Damn.

So I propose this hypothesis. If a guy has more than one thousand Facebook friends, then he is more likely to be a womanizer or player.*  I realize this is not a true scientific experiment, but just go with it.

* College and/or professional athletes do not count because everyone friends them for no apparent reason.

 
"Womanizer: guy who makes zillions of women think he is in love with them and that he is the best guy in the universe but never know he is making 12774763836543 other women think that too." -Urban Dictionary

"Player: a guy who: (1) doesn't understand the meaning of 'relationship'; (2) is in full reproductive mode; (3) is very good at making girls think he is into them (also very proficient at breaking said girls hearts); (4) often "dates" several girls at several schools (girls are often unaware of each other); (5) is an asshole!" - Urban Dictionary

In attempt to prove my hypothesis, I further investigated my Facebook friends and examined the profiles of a few of the guys I could think of off the top of my head who fit this description.  Those descriptors -  likes to party, known to hook up with a lot of chicks (past or present), hot, acts younger than their age etcetera, etcetera.  And there it was - the proof I was looking for.

I’m not going to call anyone out. I’m pretty sure they know who they are without me stating the obvious. But if you don’t believe me, take a look at your friend list. Think of 5-10 guys you know either first hand or through the grapevine that are known for serial dating and/or frequently hooking up with dimes and trolls (you’re the dime, love – clearly). I thought of 10 guys I know though the letter “F” before I quickly got tired of hastily browsing through my fb friends. And just as I suspected. Eight out of ten had more than 1,000 friends with the other two coming in close in the 900s. Moreover, nine of their profile pictures didn’t help their case the slightest. 

For the record, I realize I may be totally off and some of you guys out there with more than 1,000 friends may be happily in a relationship or married. But I bet most of you were known around the Hawk or your respective college bar for one reason or another. 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Maybe even a thousand or more Facebook friends as well.

-Stay Sassy, xo 

Trinkets of Boyfriends Past

As I got ready for another day today I scoured my jewelry box for a specific "M" necklace from Tiffanys I wanted to wear and I couldn't find it. I was certain I needed to wear some type of necklace with the shirt I'm wearing - a low cut v-neck with boobies hanging out....KIDDING. I'm rotating at a pediatrics office - you know what kids think of those things?? Haha...lunch (insert Look Who's Talking voice). Anyway, so as I fumbled through some necklaces and I came across an old trinket I was for sure I had lost until now. A beautiful necklace with three vertical diamonds I received from a boyfriend some time ago. And I got to thinking...to wear?  Or not to wear? 

First off, we aren't talking about rings here.  Just a necklace.  I've heard discussions on the what-to-dos with old jewelry when you break up with your man like pawn it, etc. But quite frankly, I think it's all crap. I say wear it. Love it. Enjoy it. He gave it to you for a reason. Because at one point he loved you and everything about you and wanted you to have it as a gift. I can almost guarantee one of the many gifts I gave him is in his back pocket - and I carry the bag he got me almost daily - so why should jewels be any different? -And just to put it out there, I'd probably still wear a ring, unless of course it was an engagement ring.

He may not love you anymore or even know if you still exist. But at one time, things were different. I think it's absolutely silly to let beautiful jewelry go to waste. We all know diamonds aren't cheap...neither is most jewelry, especially with my fine taste of Tiffany and my good 'ol friend David (Yurman). I've had this necklace on all day and except for the second I pulled it out and right now (because I'm consciously writing about it), I haven't thought of him once.

So if your excuse for not wearing something is because it brings back bad memories - get over it. Diamonds are a girls best friend.  Designer bags are a close second for me. I will proudly sport the necklace and several other pieces from Tiffanys he bought for me and love every minute of it. After all, at one point in history each item was bought out of love.  And that's just what this world needs...more lovin'

-Stay Sassy, xo

The Mind of a Man

"If you’re not married, or single, or unhappy, then life is working out as it should."  -John DeVore

This article/blog couldn't have been posted at a more appropriate time. Not only did my frisky loving junky friend send me the link to this article, but it was also the subject of my weekly frisky blast email update. Again, you can read the article in it's entirety here, but I wanted to comment on a few of the things the author, John DeVore, reminded me of.  He writes:

The reason you’re not married yet is because I don’t really care why you’re not married and no one else does, either. Seriously, nobody cares. You shouldn’t care. Marriage isn’t a tiara. It’s not a ribbon to cut or one of those big novelty lottery checks. You don’t “deserve” a husband. You’re not Veruca Salt. You should be happy with whatever life gives you, because the only thing you truly “deserve” is a grave, although there just aren’t enough funeral pyres in these modern times. But I don’t want you to freak out. If you’re not married, or single, or unhappy, then life is working out as it should. No one has a right to happiness. As Americans, we only have a right to the pursuit of happiness. This explains why we love cars so much. The road trip is more important than the tourist trap. Enjoy the view. Roll down the window.

You’re not married because that’s not where you are in the story of your life right now. Take a moment to breathe. Put your feet up. [...]  Wherever you are in life, really, that’s where you’re supposed to be. That’s not some hippie jive talk. That is the truth.

I will admit, I've caught myself obsessing over the "woe is me" a handful of times.  But lately, it's been others pushing me to pursue dating that has really annoyed me.  I've thought about blogging about this in the past but never got around to it.  Why is it everyone thinks I need someone?  Why can't people just get it through their heads that I am totally fine being single right now.  I could care less if I have a date this week or not or if I meet someone out at the bars to buy my drinks.  Honestly, I am so happy and content with my life right now I know it's right where I am supposed to be.  For years, and I'm talking YEARS I have been in and out of relationships like no body's business.  Starting in preschool.

Boys NEVER had cooties in my eyes.  My boyfriend in elementary was named Jake (be it childish or not, I was "taken").  He was my boyfriend starting in 1st grade through the 5th grade. It was super serious.  He was my guarnatneed couples skate partner which meant I could actually hold his hand for 3 minutes...6 minutes if we were lucky enough for them to play two songs at our monthly school skates.  He bought me Valentine's and Christmas gifts.  We were the "it" couple of Lincoln Elementary and we may have even exchanged a peck or two on the playground after he "caught" me playing chase.  We only broke up once our elementary days were over and there were new fish in the pond as we moved on to Middle School.

My middle school years were less exciting as I was an aero dynamic (as Sharif put it) late developer.  I'm sure you can figure out what that means.  I had random boyfriends here and there, but only the ones who weren't worried about my cup size (or lack there of) and whether or not I would still share my homework with them.  Then in high school it got all serious again as I started dating older boys...with boobs I might add (me, not them).  I met my high school sweetheart sophomore year and continued to date him through my first year of college.  He was then quickly replaced within weeks by my college sweetheart who was then quickly replaced by my Kansas City sweetheart.  See what I mean? 

I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE.  Life is working out as it should.  I have a college degree, a Master's degree and I'm about to have my second Master's degree at the end of this year.  I am supposed to be alone right now and I accept that.  My purpose for dating as little as possible is this - I don't want to get attached to anyone in this crap city because the day I graduate my little ass is G-O-N-E.  Sure it's fun to go to dinner with guys every now and then, but I seriously feel bad.  I don't want to lead anyone on.  So if you're reading this and want to ask me out (or have and now you haven't heard from me), that is why.  Those who I've gone out with, thank you for dinner, drinks and your company.  I truly did enjoy it.  But a relationship just isn't in the cards for me right now.  I'm pretty sure this weekend I used a line that went something like this, "You aren't going to like, call me now are you?"  Yes, including the "like."  But on the other hand, if you've been wanting to ask me out, I'd love to - but know that it probably won't go anywhere - and if you'll let me, I'll even split the bill. 

So thank you John for reminding me, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be in life right now.

-Stay Sassy, xo 

6 Reasons Why I'm Apparently Not Marriage Material

I'll admit, I spend plenty of time reading articles on thefrisky.com about life, love and relationships.  Some of them are quite interesting.  But when my gal pal suggested I check this article out, I wasn't sure what to think.  It's actually from Huffington Post but was linked in an article on the frisky.  First problem - this article is being written by some woman on marriage No. 3, two shy of Chanel's most famous scent No. 5.  This smells fishy - tell me again why I should believe anything you have to say?  Precisely.  You can read the article in its entirety here, but I'm just going to go over her top six reasons why I'm not married.

WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED - TRACY McMILLAN

1. You're a Bitch.

Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry. You probably don't think you're angry. You think you're super smart, or if you've been to a lot of therapy, that you're setting boundaries. But the truth is you're pissed. At your mom. At the military-industrial complex. At Sarah Palin. And it's scaring men off.

The deal is: most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. I am the mother of a 13-year-old boy, which is like living with the single-cell protozoa version of a husband. Here's what my son wants out of life: macaroni and cheese, a video game, and Kim Kardashian. Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so. You've seen Kim Kardashian smile, wiggle, and make a sex tape. Female anger terrifies men. I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man's fear and insecurity in order to get married -- but actually, it's perfect, since working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife. 

Me? A bitch? No way.  That's the silliest thing I've ever heard!  No one has ever called me a bitch.  Clearly the exact opposite is true.  The word "bitch" no longer even phases me.  But am I really angry at the world?  Hardly.  I don't go out of my way to be a bitch and if I'm a bitch to anyone 8/10 times it's another girl.  Girls are bitches.  Bottom line.  But I can't agree that I'm angry at the world or mean to boys.  That is unless they provoke me.  And if that's the case, they suck anyway and aren't worth my time.  And by the way - It's called being sassy. 

2. You're Shallow.

When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man's character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you're not married, I already know it isn't. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

Shallow?  Okay.  Maybe I'll agree.  But because I'm typically attracted to men taller than myself, I don't think that makes me shallow...only short.  And honestly, I could care less about his bank account - I'll be making my own damn money.  A little extra money never hurt though.  Am I really that shallow just because I want a below the line letter in my last name?  You know, like a "y" or a "g".  I just like the way those look.  And as my gal pal said - she just likes big, strong men.  So what if she wants to marry a professional football player.  A girl can dream right?  
*FYI - the below the line letter thing...only a joke.  Kind of.

3. You're a Slut.

Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. You are. Which means, unfortunately, that if you're having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop. Why? Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin -- it doesn't stay recreational for long.

That's due in part to this thing called oxytocin -- a bonding hormone that is released when a woman a) nurses her baby and b) has an orgasm -- that will totally mess up your casual-sex game. It's why you can be f**k-buddying with some dude who isn't even all that great and the next thing you know, you're totally strung out on him. And you have no idea how it happened. Oxytocin, that's how it happened. And since nature can't discriminate between marriage material and Charlie Sheen, you're going to have to start being way more selective than you are right now.

You got me there.  I'm a HUGE slut.  It's crazy how slutty I am.  This couldn't be more far from the truth.  I would never hook up with some rando in a hot tub.  Do you know how many germs circulate in those things?  SICK.  Casual relationships this day in age do not make someone slutty.  Boys get high fives.  Girls get called a slut.  It's dumb.  Own your sexuality and do whatever you want - just be safe.  

4. You're a Liar.

It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now."

You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear! 

About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place.

Probably hit the nail on the head with this one.  Of course I can change any guy's mind.  You don't want a relationship right now?  Just wait until you get a taste of me, I'll change your mind.   How many times have you thought that?  DUMBEST THOUGHT EVER.  It's only taken me 9 plus months to start to figure that out.

5. You're Selfish.

If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don't have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy -- or at least a guy with a really, really good job -- would solve all your problems. 

Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It's not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say -- if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.

So wrong.  I have a dog.  Might as well be a baby.  I have to feed her.  Take her out to poop and pee --- and clean her ass when she gets dingle berries. Clean up her vomit.  Let her play.  Pay for shots.  Find dog sitters.  It's all the same, right?  I kid...I know what you moms are thinking.  
Seriously though, you can better believe I am thinking about my thighs, outfits and naso-labial folds.  And so are 12,000,0000 other moms out there.  No matter if I'm married, single or in a relationship, the gym will most likely be a part of my regimen.  Including shopping.  And Botox and fillers.  Call me selfish --- whatevs.  I think it's more about me caring about my body, staying healthy and looking my best.  But I doubt that's why I'm not married.

6. You're Not Good Enough.

Oh, I don't think that. You do. I can tell because you're not looking for a partner who is your equal. No, you want someone better than you are: better looking, better family, better job.

Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute. Period. Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don't know their own worth make terrible wives. Why? You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won't love your spouse any better than you love yourself. Smart men know this.

I see this at my son's artsy, progressive school. Of 183 kids, maybe six have moms who are as cute as you're trying to be. They're attractive, sure. They're just not objects. Their husbands (wisely) chose them for their character, not their cup size. 

So far from the truth. I never want to date someone who is better looking than me or takes longer than me to get ready.  And I love myself and being who I am.  Maybe I'm hard on myself some days and obsess over a couple pounds I gained or the new wrinkle that seems to have popped up - but what woman doesn't?

So I may be one or more of all of the above. But that's who I am. Take it or leave it. I'm so glad Tracy knows why I'm single - maybe she should take a few minutes and reflect why she's been married three times instead of trying to tell us single girls why we're alone.  Clearly she's the one who doesn't know how to "pick" the right guys.  


The reason I'm not married, engaged, or in a relationship? --- I own my singleness and that's why I'm single. I go on dates and I may kiss a boy here and there. If I wanted more, I could have more. So Tracy, you can take your 6 reasons and shove it.

-Stay Sassy, xo

Living in a Facebook World

Holy shit.  What has Facebook done to our society?!  Apparently I missed this commercial during the Super Bowl or I most definitely would have been blogging about it sooner.  I saw this commercial last night while watching the Grammys.  My first few thoughts - did that seriously just happen?  Is this seriously the next big thing?  Am I really going to be choosing this amenity on my next car? Yes, yes, and yes.

The obvious response to this commercial - if you can't wait until you get home to check your Facebook, you have serious issues.  But honestly, I think this is pretty sweet.  Not only have I been guilty of texting while driving (bad dog) but I have also Facebooked while driving (bad, bad dog).  The other problem with this commercial...that chick must have SPRINTED to her computer after he dropped her off to write on his wall.  Or maybe she did it while he was driving.  I don't know, but she is making this way to easy for him.  At least make him wait and wonder how it was for a day or two.  Everyone knows boys love the chase and if you give them the goods too soon they're over you like last months Playboy.  By the way...doesn't she know the rules of dating?  In my rule book you will never pick me up on a first date.  No way in hell is some guy I barely know going to know where I live.  Too many creepies out there...I know this from personal experiences.  I will meet you there and I will go home alone.  And I probably won't talk to you again.  Duh.

Either way, my car reading me my latest Facebook posts is pretty legit in my book.  Facebook isn't going anywhere anytime soon so might as well get used to this ridiculousness.  Oh...and if my car can read my Facebook status, could you please also have my car read my text messages and reply as well? Please and thanks.  Or has that already been invented, too?

-Stay Sassy, xo

P.S.  HAPPY FRICKIN VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU. 
If you're looking for my Valentine's Day blog - check it out here...I posted a few days prematurely.

Hey grl - Gr8 2 C U last nite. U want 2 go on a D8 this wk? Lol :)

I sometimes wonder what life would be like without texting.  Over the past few years I have become more and more resentful to talking on the phone.  It used to be I would really only talk to one person on the phone...my mom.  Talking to her daily was too much for me.  I found myself annoyed when the phone rang and instead of being grateful she cared so much, I was bothered that she was calling me yet again to ask me one question.  I was so relieved when she finally learned how to text.  Now she can send me a text every time she thinks of me and I can respond when I have time.  Instead of me feeling annoyed every time she calls, I feel less stress to communicate with her.  

I do realize sometimes people just want to communicate and actually talk to one another, but I am not one of those people.  I love catching up with my friends when I actually do sit down and make myself do it, but up until that point, I honestly dread it.  Shooting a quick text message is so much easier for me to do while I study or am occupied by other things.  I can quickly respond to someone's question or simple hello and get back to studying in between texts.  I simply find it easier.

What really blows my mind is how the heck people dated not only before text messaging, but before cell phones.  First off, let me preface this. I am by NO MEANS attacking any guys whom I have "dated" in the past.  But honestly, I cannot remember ever being asked out on a date by a guy over the phone or in person.  But I'm not necessarily complaining either.  Some people think that it is absolutely ridiculous and a guy should never ask a girl out via text message.  Honestly, I don't really mind it.  If I want to go, you'll know it.  And if I don't...well it makes it a whole helleva lot easier for me to turn you down by simply not responding, or fabricating some lie like I have to wash my hair.  

I spent this past NYE with one of my most favorite married couples in Kansas City. They are in their mid-30s and I couldn't get enough of their stories about dating in college.  If you wanted to hook up after bar close, you had to actually call the lucky mate's land line.  Who even has land lines anymore?  Even better in her story, when a guy would call, he had to specify which of her roommates he was looking for, because there were two with the same name!  I can't even imagine receiving a booty call via land line. Or being asked on a date via land line for that matter!   If you didn't physically exchange numbers on a piece of paper or something, you most likely wouldn't be following up the next week.  There was no Facebook to go home to and stalk to try to find him/her so you could friend one another.  That was it.  If you didn't exchange numbers, you blew your chance.  If you were lucky enough to make it home without losing the number, the drunk gods were looking over you.

A world without cell phones blows my mind but I won't be turning my back on texting, sexting or digi-dating anytime soon!  After all, nobody really wants to hurt anyone's feelings here.  And it's honestly a win-win situation.  I don't feel as bad telling you no, and you don't feel as pathetic being turned down face-to-face.  TXT YA L8R!

-Stay Sassy, xo

Excuse me...have we made out?

Remember when you were in college and it was the start of a new semester?  You walk in to the lecture hall and find your seat.  If you were like me, the first day of class you were always a good 10 minutes early - just incase.  If you were late, forget it...for the purpose of this story you were on time.  Just as class is beginning to start in the lecture hall of 500 students, a few final stragglers come walking in through the door....some still smelling like last night's drink specials.  Distracted by the door, you realize
the last guy (or girl, depending on your gender and preference) to walk through the door looks extremely familiar, but you can't put your finger on why.  He sits down next to you or within the vicinity.  For all intensive purposes, in this story, he sits right next to you...and you start to get a little nervous.  You're positive you know him from somewhere...but you just can't recall.  Then again, you and your roomie did have a few too many cocktails this past weekend.  Oh well.  Your professor's voice babbles in the background as you attempt to finish the UDK crossword puzzle and read up on the latest Free4All calls from the previous weekend when all of a sudden....BAM!  You remember!  Your heart starts racing...you feel your face flushing as you realize in your mind, "Shit....that's that guy I made out with at bar close a few months back."  You exchanged numbers that night, he texted you a few times, but nothing really came of it.  Then a few months later...of all places...he sits right next to you in class.  You sigh as you realize it's going to be a long semester....

Flash forward to present day.  This whole scenario... yep...that's exactly how I felt this past week.  I was minding my own business walking through the halls of the hospital when I passed a man in scrubs whose face looked awfully familiar.  But why?  I continued on with my day.  And then I realized....shit...that's the guy I made out with several months ago at bar close.  The rest of that hazy night and its events begin to come back to me.  I remember him telling me he worked at the hospital.  We swapped phone numbers and exchanged texts a few times before we lost touch.  Due to busy schedules we were never able to go out for drinks.  Did I ever think I'd see him again?  Absolutely not.  But of course, much to my surprise I am now continually running in to him and have seen him 3 times since then in the past two weeks.  Each time we politely smile at one another and walk by continuing on.  I'm not sure if he even remembers who I am.  Even if I was slightly intoxicated and visually impaired that night, the good news is he's gorgeous stone sober.  Maybe next time I'll speak up and say hello...and maybe I'll see if he's still open to the idea of happy hour.  But then again...maybe not...

-Stay Sassy, xo

True Life: I'm in Dating Detox

I promise this blog is not going to be the journey to me finding my soul mate...I'm actually engaging in Dating Detox (see below).  But is going to be about the so far very intriguing book I received for Christmas, Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.  I received this book from my favorite sister-in-law after she hoped it would "inspire me" and my blog.  Well it for sure has.  I've blogged about Patti Stanger in the past (read here). I love Millionaire Matchmaker and Patti, so I was super excited to see what she had to say in her book.  

I just finished reading the introduction and Step One: Dating Detox.  While I think I've already been in this stage for the past few months, I'd like to remain here just a little bit longer because I'm loving it!  In Patti's words, during Dating Detox, "Don't even think about going out on a date."  Ok, fine.  I won't.  I'm totally fine with this because I'm getting ready to dive in to the hardest twelve months of my life.  I don't have time for "dating" and all the b.s. that comes with it like wondering when he's going to call or text me next, gchat me, or wonder about whatever the hell he's doing sitting there at his f*cking computer until his name goes idle (don't act like you've never done that ladies). 

And now Patti says, it's time to determine my type.  So, according to Patti, I start with the last few guys I've dated.  They each get 5 qualities I loved/liked about them, and 5 qualities that made me want to shove their faces in to a brick wall.  Here it goes...(no specific order of course to obscure any identities):

Likes:

1. Funny
2. Always paid for dates (said it was his duty)
3. Successful
4. Tall
5. Educated
6. Handsome
7. Amazing cook (could also lead to weight gain)
8. Smart
9. Grounded
10. Amazing sex*
11. Chivalrous
12. Romantic
13. Pleasing
14. Loved traveling
15. Educated
16. Outgoing
17. Tall
18. Educated
19. Athletic
20. Gentleman 

Dislikes:

1. Immature
2. Sketchy
3. Drank too much
4. Not aggressive enough
5. Smoker
6. Unemotional
7. Closed off
8. Jaded
9. Blunt
10. Selfish
11. Mama's Boy
12. Fake
13. Label obsessed
14. Bull shitter
15. Immature
16. Smoker
17. Too quiet
18. Lacked confidence
19. Known serial dater
20. Partied...A LOT 

So from that Patti, I conclude um...not much.  Thanks for nothing.  So... I like an educated guy...that was about the only thing they all had in common. I'll leave you with these words in case you do the same exercise and conclude only that you've dated a lot of selfish, immature jackasses:

"It’s usually the smartest ones who take the longest to get married, because they can’t get their minds in sync with their hearts and bodies." - Patti Stanger

I'm hoping to figure it out by the time I'm 30.  I have a little over 3 years to go...it's game on...after detox of course.  Until then, all you handsome suitors out there dying to date me (pshhh...good one, I know, it's funny, right?), I'm taking reservations.  Remember, the best restaurants are booked weeks in advance, why not me?**  And until then, I'm thinking of myself like a great wine.  For sure a Pinot Noir.  According to About.Com, "Pinot Noir may be the toughest grape to grow, but the effort is often well worth the constant care and investment."  Sounds about right and I promise, as all (or a few) of my exes are kicking themselves for being dumb, the right guy will already have realized I'm well worth the investment...when I'm ready for him, of course.  Plus, I'm only getting better and more valuable with age.**

-Stay Sassy, xo

*Sorry to disappoint anyone who thought I was holding out until marriage.  It is 2010.

**Text adapted from Patti Stanger's book, Become Your Own Matchmaker

Dear Ex-Boyfriend

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

This is a friendly reminder that we have been broken up for several years now, yet you still continue to act like a child every time I see you.  I'm really confused by it.  It's clear that you are not a fan of me considering you blocked me on facebook and gchat years ago...which forces me to ask mutual friends how you are doing.  I just don't get why we must continue to pretend as if we do not know one another after being inseparable for several years.  I'm just wondering - is this because after a year of dicking me around you finally realized what you had and it was a little too late?  Did I upset you because I decided I was done dealing with your bullshit?  If so, that's your own fault.  But for the record, I do not think it is necessary for you to exit a bar when I approach a group of our mutual friends or blatantly ignore me when we are at the same social event.  That's just pathetic and immature.  People date for a reason and usually a part of that is because they care about one another and enjoy each other's company.  Even though things didn't work out between us (clearly for the best), I still care about you and wish you all the happiness in the world.  With that being said, the next time we run in to one another, I'm hoping your balls have dropped and you are able to maturely say hello.  I hope things work out with the horse.

I wish you nothing but the best,
Your Ex-Girlfriend

-Stay Sassy, xo

The fine line of aggressive dating

I'm not sure how many of you catch Millionaire Matchmaker, but I DVR it and watch it weekly.  This past week's episode really got me thinking.  Patti talks to her female millionaire this week about having too much "masculine energy" which in turn is why the "good guys" aren't asking her out...even though she's gorgeous.  Patti says that Leah is too aggressive for a "masculine energy man"...whatever that means.  But anyway, that got me to thinking.  Am I too aggressive?  And what exactly is too aggressive?  Overly aggressive to me would be going up to a random guy that you don't even know and more or less letting him know you wanted to go home with him tonight...whether you say it just like that or you tell him you want to beep his brains out.  My first thought was to ask every guy on my gchat list.  So I asked each of them, pretty open-endly, "Tell me what you think about aggressive girls...turn on or off?" Here's a few answers that I received.  Names have been changed, but ages haven't.


"In the bar, bedroom, or life in general?  Bar, yes.  Bedroom, yes.  General life, pain in the ass." -Matt, 24


"It's a delicate balance.  Showing she's interested is a turn on.  Taking control, turn off.  Unless she's a super-babe, then it doesn't matter at first." -Thomas, 26


"I personally like it. I mean I wouldn't ever be with my future wife if it wasn't for her taking the initiative.  But there is a fine line.  A girl has to make it apparent that she likes you, but she shouldn't go too far and make you think she wants to have sex with you.  She should control that part.  But when alcohol is involved it's a slightly different story." -Brian, 28


"In most cases, a turn on.  I think it can go both ways.  I also like the thrill of the chase." -Chad, 29


"Well in my opinion a little sassy is always nice.  However, sensors are good too.  Sexually aggressive is a huge turn on to me." -Paul, 30

Until I watched the last episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, I understood aggressive to mean confident.  But maybe I'm way off.  I think it's hot when someone knows who and what they want in life.  Now Patti has me TOTALLY freaked out and confused.  I know some of you reading my blog do not know me personally, but those who do should know that I am pretty confident and open - especially sexually.  I think it's important to be in tune to your own sexuality.  Sex is a good thing.  Sometimes I say things that may be considered inappropriate...usually after a Jack Daniels cocktail or two...or four.  But until this episode, I never really thought about it being a turn off.  I have been known to "go after what I want" whether it be for that night or for a relationship.  But now I'm wondering if I should tone it down a notch.   

There's always the flip side to everything.  If I tone down my "aggressiveness," then am I trying to be someone I'm not?  If a guy doesn't like me for me, then what good is that going to do?  I'm not someone who charms guys by playing dumb, acting like an air head and letting them call all the shots.  If I like you, you'll know it.  And if I'm too aggressive for you, well I guess I'm sorry.  I love aggressive guys, but if I'm aggressive, does that mean aggressive guys don't like me?  Am I even aggressive?  Or just confident?  I'm so confused!

Based on my scientific research, I think we can conclude that men like an aggressive woman in the bedroom...check!  In the "real world" of dating, I guess we as females are supposed to sit back and let the guy set the pace and tell US when he wants to take US out.  Or at least in the beginning...which is sorta hard for me to do considering I get a little impatient.  I'm pretty sure the last guy I "dated" (and I use that term lightly) can vouch for that.  His idea was a date every other week - not kosher in my book.  If you tell me you like me (which he did), then you're making time to hang out with me (which he did not).  Bottom line.  If you don't like me, oh well.  To that I say...NEXT IN LINE, PLEASE!

I leave you with the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."


...and still the unanswered question...what is too aggressive?

-Stay Sassy, xo