The fine line of aggressive dating

I'm not sure how many of you catch Millionaire Matchmaker, but I DVR it and watch it weekly.  This past week's episode really got me thinking.  Patti talks to her female millionaire this week about having too much "masculine energy" which in turn is why the "good guys" aren't asking her out...even though she's gorgeous.  Patti says that Leah is too aggressive for a "masculine energy man"...whatever that means.  But anyway, that got me to thinking.  Am I too aggressive?  And what exactly is too aggressive?  Overly aggressive to me would be going up to a random guy that you don't even know and more or less letting him know you wanted to go home with him tonight...whether you say it just like that or you tell him you want to beep his brains out.  My first thought was to ask every guy on my gchat list.  So I asked each of them, pretty open-endly, "Tell me what you think about aggressive girls...turn on or off?" Here's a few answers that I received.  Names have been changed, but ages haven't.


"In the bar, bedroom, or life in general?  Bar, yes.  Bedroom, yes.  General life, pain in the ass." -Matt, 24


"It's a delicate balance.  Showing she's interested is a turn on.  Taking control, turn off.  Unless she's a super-babe, then it doesn't matter at first." -Thomas, 26


"I personally like it. I mean I wouldn't ever be with my future wife if it wasn't for her taking the initiative.  But there is a fine line.  A girl has to make it apparent that she likes you, but she shouldn't go too far and make you think she wants to have sex with you.  She should control that part.  But when alcohol is involved it's a slightly different story." -Brian, 28


"In most cases, a turn on.  I think it can go both ways.  I also like the thrill of the chase." -Chad, 29


"Well in my opinion a little sassy is always nice.  However, sensors are good too.  Sexually aggressive is a huge turn on to me." -Paul, 30

Until I watched the last episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, I understood aggressive to mean confident.  But maybe I'm way off.  I think it's hot when someone knows who and what they want in life.  Now Patti has me TOTALLY freaked out and confused.  I know some of you reading my blog do not know me personally, but those who do should know that I am pretty confident and open - especially sexually.  I think it's important to be in tune to your own sexuality.  Sex is a good thing.  Sometimes I say things that may be considered inappropriate...usually after a Jack Daniels cocktail or two...or four.  But until this episode, I never really thought about it being a turn off.  I have been known to "go after what I want" whether it be for that night or for a relationship.  But now I'm wondering if I should tone it down a notch.   

There's always the flip side to everything.  If I tone down my "aggressiveness," then am I trying to be someone I'm not?  If a guy doesn't like me for me, then what good is that going to do?  I'm not someone who charms guys by playing dumb, acting like an air head and letting them call all the shots.  If I like you, you'll know it.  And if I'm too aggressive for you, well I guess I'm sorry.  I love aggressive guys, but if I'm aggressive, does that mean aggressive guys don't like me?  Am I even aggressive?  Or just confident?  I'm so confused!

Based on my scientific research, I think we can conclude that men like an aggressive woman in the bedroom...check!  In the "real world" of dating, I guess we as females are supposed to sit back and let the guy set the pace and tell US when he wants to take US out.  Or at least in the beginning...which is sorta hard for me to do considering I get a little impatient.  I'm pretty sure the last guy I "dated" (and I use that term lightly) can vouch for that.  His idea was a date every other week - not kosher in my book.  If you tell me you like me (which he did), then you're making time to hang out with me (which he did not).  Bottom line.  If you don't like me, oh well.  To that I say...NEXT IN LINE, PLEASE!

I leave you with the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."


...and still the unanswered question...what is too aggressive?

-Stay Sassy, xo