With All Do Facebook Respect

It's clearly known the virtual world has changed our lives.  It's hard to remember what life was like before the internet.  My family didn't get a computer until I was in middle school but I remember as a gradeschooler going over to my best friend Kelsey's house and playing games on her computer for HOURS!  We didn't put in a CD-ROM, we didn't go to some website like MSN and play Bejeweled...we typed in a MS-DOS command that lead to our favorite game.  From high school, I remember the days of ICQ chats until 3 in the morning, specifically with my secret friend Liz.  We would talk for hours about who knows what.  I still know my ICQ account number - 20802802.  ICQ was quickly replaced by MSN instant messaging and then in college I replaced that with AOL.  My roommates and I would chat with each other from our bedrooms, too lazy and/or hung over to get up and verbally speak.

Then came Facebook.  I can seriously remember the day I signed up for Facebook.  We were sophomores and living at High Pointe.  My roommate Kelly called me in to her room and told me all about it.  She had just signed up and gotten her account.  Facebook was reserved for college students only - you could only sign up using your college email address.  Most of my friends from home couldn't even have an account yet because Pitt State wasn't one of the universities it supported.  I can guarantee Kelly was my first Facebook friend, probably my first wall post and possibly my first "poke."  

Speaking of pokes - I remember when that was the coolest thing you could do on Facebook.  What the hell is a "poke" anyway - it sounds dirty to me.  Before the days of uploading and tagging photos, Facebook chat or the "Like" button, it was just another way to send drunk messages.  Now, you can almost do anything on Facebook.  Post your latest status, check in at your most recent location, upload pictures from last night...whatever.  But how far is too far?  I know there are tons of other blogs/artitcles out there about "Facebook Etiquette" so I'm not going to waste my time going in to that (this is one of my favorite bloggers - and here's her take on FB Etiquette).  I have only one complaint today.  I know it's fun and exciting when something new happens in your life and you can't wait to share with the Facebook world and all your pseudo-friends (you know, the ones who HATED you in high school or haven't talked to you since you were in the 6th grade).  I actually do enjoy catching up/stalking people's lives through their pictures posted and relationship status changes.  It's cute to see new couples becoming "Facebook Official" and then advancing to engaged and married.  

Yes, I want to see pictures of your new engagement ring so I can gawk over the size of it or affirm it's not big enough for me.  Yes, I want to see your engagement pictures and how happy in love you look.  Yes, I want to see your wedding pictures since I clearly wasn't invited to the party because we're clearly Facebook pseudo-friends only.  And yes, I will tell you congrats on all of the above.  But when baby time comes around...PLEASE DO NOT POST A PICTURE OF YOUR F*CKING PREGGO TEST!  Announcing you are pregnant is enough.  But I DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT need to see the damn EPT stick saturated with your urine that confirms you're expecting.  I can't even remember who it was who did this - and if you're reading this and it was you..I'm sorry.  But that's just SICK.  I get that you're excited and happy your family is expecting, but please keep the urine stick to yourself.  A simple status update will do.  I'll tell you congrats and follow the progress of your baby bump you document weekly - that's cute.  Baby bumps are adorable.  Sonograms are exciting.  4D sonos are creepy.  But it should stop there. 

When your baby finally arrives, I'll look at all the pictures.  Even the disgusting ones you post right after he/she has been pulled out of your vagina covered in vernix.  Even that's too much in my opinion.  I do not need to see any of your bodily fluids no mater what orifice they come from.  Nonetheless, congrats on your newest addition and I promise you, when I get knocked up, if Facebook even still exists, you won't see pictures of my EPT stick or my child covered in cottage cheese.

-Stay Sassy, xo