Time Well Wasted

Sometimes, there are things in life that are harder to deal with than others.  There's death, which I might as well be an expert at dealing with by now (considering I've lost a dozen friends my age and all of my grandparents), and then there's life.  This blog isn't my normal sassy, who can I piss off or who have I already pissed off type of blog...it's me being me and needing to breathe.  You might be reading this saying, "why does she have to share it with everyone - why can't she just journal and keep it to herself?"  I'll tell you why, because if I can share my feelings and touch one person's life who is going through a rough time, then my goal is achieved.  I'm a nuturer by nature.

"The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.” 

I used to think breaking up with people was as hard as being broken up with.  Well, that was before I had actually been broken up with...for good.  In my past relationships, i.e. those ones I cared the most about, when it came to the final straw, I was the one pulling the plug.  It went the same way each and every time.  I get broken up with, we get back together, then I make the final decision - it's done.  One of the hardest things ever for me to do was to tell someone who I loved dearly and cared so much about that there was someone else.  I'll never forget that day and my heart still aches for causing him so much pain.

Even harder was the day I was told by that someone else "we're never getting back together."  Stab in the heart.  Gasping for air.  I don't get to talk about my feelings that often because I'm always being the "strong one" giving all the "screw that guy" advice.  But in reality, I struggle taking my own advice.  Luckily, I still have one of the most amazing friends in the world who listens to me each and every time, even though she's probably biting her tongue in misery that I'm bringing him up again.  I know I'm not the only one going through heartaches and I know there are people in the world who are suffering much more than me.  I know I'm not innocent or perfect, but I'm human and I have feelings.  So if you're feeling what I'm feeling, I'd like to share some comforting words with you that she shared with me,

Eventually it will get better and one day you will forget when his birthday is and when your anniversaries were and things will stop reminding you of him.  The end of a relationship is like a death in the family.  It can be super painful and unfortunately you can't just wake up one morning and be okay.  It takes time.

The funny thing about life is how strange it works.  Today alone on two different occasions I've been told how lucky the man in my life must be.  After I tell them there isn't one they look at me like I'm lying through my teeth.  One man offered to set me up with his son.  The other asked me if he could take me out.  Each time I smile and politely say thank you, but no thanks - I'm done with dating right now and focusing on school and myself.  It's flattering and upsetting at the same time.  Granted, this is in Danville and there isn't that great of a selection.  But there's always that feeling of why do these strangers see me in that type of light, yet the one I want to see me like that doesn't?  I'm starting to realize how true the words are, "If you love somebody, let them go.  If they return, they were always yours.  If they don't, they never were."

-Stay Sassy, xo