The Mind of a Man

"If you’re not married, or single, or unhappy, then life is working out as it should."  -John DeVore

This article/blog couldn't have been posted at a more appropriate time. Not only did my frisky loving junky friend send me the link to this article, but it was also the subject of my weekly frisky blast email update. Again, you can read the article in it's entirety here, but I wanted to comment on a few of the things the author, John DeVore, reminded me of.  He writes:

The reason you’re not married yet is because I don’t really care why you’re not married and no one else does, either. Seriously, nobody cares. You shouldn’t care. Marriage isn’t a tiara. It’s not a ribbon to cut or one of those big novelty lottery checks. You don’t “deserve” a husband. You’re not Veruca Salt. You should be happy with whatever life gives you, because the only thing you truly “deserve” is a grave, although there just aren’t enough funeral pyres in these modern times. But I don’t want you to freak out. If you’re not married, or single, or unhappy, then life is working out as it should. No one has a right to happiness. As Americans, we only have a right to the pursuit of happiness. This explains why we love cars so much. The road trip is more important than the tourist trap. Enjoy the view. Roll down the window.

You’re not married because that’s not where you are in the story of your life right now. Take a moment to breathe. Put your feet up. [...]  Wherever you are in life, really, that’s where you’re supposed to be. That’s not some hippie jive talk. That is the truth.

I will admit, I've caught myself obsessing over the "woe is me" a handful of times.  But lately, it's been others pushing me to pursue dating that has really annoyed me.  I've thought about blogging about this in the past but never got around to it.  Why is it everyone thinks I need someone?  Why can't people just get it through their heads that I am totally fine being single right now.  I could care less if I have a date this week or not or if I meet someone out at the bars to buy my drinks.  Honestly, I am so happy and content with my life right now I know it's right where I am supposed to be.  For years, and I'm talking YEARS I have been in and out of relationships like no body's business.  Starting in preschool.

Boys NEVER had cooties in my eyes.  My boyfriend in elementary was named Jake (be it childish or not, I was "taken").  He was my boyfriend starting in 1st grade through the 5th grade. It was super serious.  He was my guarnatneed couples skate partner which meant I could actually hold his hand for 3 minutes...6 minutes if we were lucky enough for them to play two songs at our monthly school skates.  He bought me Valentine's and Christmas gifts.  We were the "it" couple of Lincoln Elementary and we may have even exchanged a peck or two on the playground after he "caught" me playing chase.  We only broke up once our elementary days were over and there were new fish in the pond as we moved on to Middle School.

My middle school years were less exciting as I was an aero dynamic (as Sharif put it) late developer.  I'm sure you can figure out what that means.  I had random boyfriends here and there, but only the ones who weren't worried about my cup size (or lack there of) and whether or not I would still share my homework with them.  Then in high school it got all serious again as I started dating older boys...with boobs I might add (me, not them).  I met my high school sweetheart sophomore year and continued to date him through my first year of college.  He was then quickly replaced within weeks by my college sweetheart who was then quickly replaced by my Kansas City sweetheart.  See what I mean? 

I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE.  Life is working out as it should.  I have a college degree, a Master's degree and I'm about to have my second Master's degree at the end of this year.  I am supposed to be alone right now and I accept that.  My purpose for dating as little as possible is this - I don't want to get attached to anyone in this crap city because the day I graduate my little ass is G-O-N-E.  Sure it's fun to go to dinner with guys every now and then, but I seriously feel bad.  I don't want to lead anyone on.  So if you're reading this and want to ask me out (or have and now you haven't heard from me), that is why.  Those who I've gone out with, thank you for dinner, drinks and your company.  I truly did enjoy it.  But a relationship just isn't in the cards for me right now.  I'm pretty sure this weekend I used a line that went something like this, "You aren't going to like, call me now are you?"  Yes, including the "like."  But on the other hand, if you've been wanting to ask me out, I'd love to - but know that it probably won't go anywhere - and if you'll let me, I'll even split the bill. 

So thank you John for reminding me, this is exactly where I'm supposed to be in life right now.

-Stay Sassy, xo